Less Negative Self-Talk and More Positive Thinking

Nature and nurture set me up to be exceeding good at negative self-talk.  I could play the old tapes in my head for years beating myself up with guilt and shame over things that I did or did not do.  Unfortunately this skill is only useful for having poor self-esteem and being susceptible to addiction.  I had low self-esteem and was addicted.  For the most part, I was full of self-pity and life sucked.

Life in my head is a lot better now than how it used to be.  I still have problems with low self-esteem and addiction, but they do not control my thinking for every waking moment like some hellish mental and emotional parasite.

I felt great this morning. Now I am having getting beat up by a little quiet voice in the back of my head promoting guilt and shame over problems with a church meeting being less than accessible due a garage sale and for not being able to bend wire in perfectly symmetrical arcs on my first attempts to use a jig.  If it was not that, it would be something else.  At least I was trying to better myself when my reality was not as I would have it be.

I am learning to live life on life’s terms.  Today was a good day with nice weather, plenty of food, a pinch of exercise, a good meeting with the topic of insisting on having fun, Lea organized her first social event with M to visit Danica and her new baby, and more.

One of the skills that I am developing is acknowledging to others when I am in pain so that I don’t need to self-medicate to treat the pain.  Now I can share my pain with others, be mindful that the pain is stems from just thoughts and feelings and not facts, and let it go.  I can have rough moments during good days.

I am grateful for my improving emotional maturity and willingness to do things that don’t always work out perfectly.  I will be more skilled tomorrow thanks to my efforts today.