Small New Experiences

Sobriety is a journey of joyful discovery. Each day brings new experience, awareness, greater hope, deeper faith, broader tolerance. I must maintain these attributes or I will have nothing to pass on. 

Great events for this recovering alcoholic are the normal everyday joys found in being able to live another day in God's grace.  From AA’s Daily Reflection for April 27^th.

A big part of life and my recovery is enjoying small new experiences.  For example, today we brought a Whole Foods carrot cake to our morning meeting to celebrate Mike having two years.  I never went shopping for cake for a fellow trudger with two years at 9 AM before.  There was a a bountiful selection at Whole Foods.  The carrot cake was an excellent choice.  The clerk offered and wrote “happy birthday Mike” on it for us with a quickness.

We passed around a card for the people at the meeting to sign.   Maybe half of them knew who Mike was.  Most of them signed it.   Mike was moved to tears of joy by having others help him celebrate his progress.

I am grateful for the awe and joy in the small things in my life today.   A small cake was a great value when it made a wonderful contribution to the joy of the group.  It was a powerful symbol of our new life in recovery and delicious.

Home Alone For Almost Two Days

My roommate spent the weekend with her 20-year old daughter.  I was home alone with my non-neurotic self for the first time in 4 years.  It was quiet and pleasant for almost two days.

By non-neurotic self, I mean having serenity with being concerned about others that were MIA from recovery or being stuck in the insane negative thinking of not-using active addiction.  There was no peace in that.

I am grateful for quiet serene solitude, that my roommate was gone, that she had a good time and that she made it back.

I Love My GP MD aka Primary Care Physician aka Family Doctor

I have to see my doctor every month for a blood-clotting factor ("pro-time" and/or INR) test due to being on the anti-coagulant warfarin.  Dr Lucy Hwang is kind, sweet, personable and smart.   I dislike having to go in for the test every month, but really appreciate the high quality of medical care that I get as a result of such frequent visits.

Today I was also seen by Leah the clinic nurse that specializes in diabetes treatment.  Her ability to communicate empathy, compassion, caring and sound medical expectations is impressive and comforting.

I am grateful for world class high quality medical care from kind sweet caring experts that do their best to help me live a better life.

Computer Skills

I bought an Intel NUC (next unit of computing) last week to use as a Home Theater PC (HTPC).  It is a powerful PC in a 4x4x2 inch cube that came with no operating system. 

I got a Thunderbolt/DP cable to plug it into my TV.   That did not work.  I dug around my cable stash and found a mini-HDMI cable.  That worked.  Turns out that the NUC needs an OS and and software drivers to get the Thunderbolt port working.   HDMI is working fine.

I have wi-fi from my front room to my bedroom.  That makes for a working internet connection but is way too slow.   I had a brand new Ethernet cable that I could not get to work.  Turned out the cable was bad.   Never had a new cable fail on me before. That sucked.   Bought another cable off Amazon that will be here in two days.

I have a solid training in TCP/IP networking skills that I rarely use beyond power-cycle the hardware or plug this into that.

I am grateful for the computer skills to turn a barebones computer into a high-speed HTPC server. Years of academic and vocational college really comes in handy sometimes—like when I want to watch TV faster!!!   

3 Days Of Record Temperatures

The unseasonable April heatwave continues for a record breaking 3^rd day of temperatures over 80°.  It is nice having warm sunny weather.   The sun and heat is driving spring plant growth into hyperdrive.   Blooms, buds and growth are 3-4 weeks ahead of their usual pace. At this rate, we will have an extra two months of a growing season—or a 50% long growing season from 4 months to 6 months.  Our last freeze was in early January.

Yesterday was 89°.  The previous high on April 18^th was 80°.   That is a staggeringly large jump in 120 years of weather records.   Certainly the largest increase in the daily record temperature I can think of in a lifetime of living in the Seattle area.

I am grateful for the warm weather and also grateful that we don’t live in a place that gets truly hot when it has a record-busting heat wave.

Becoming A Better Role Model

I have helped my roommate go from active heroin and crack addiction to getting on methadone to being in her 3^rd quarter of college in the last 37 months.   That is easily the best thing I have ever done to help another person in my life.

We have been meeting with two other couples in 12-step recovery at the local hang-out mall for two years.  They have helped us get along and work through many of the issues in our lives and relationships.

Now it seems that it is time to bring my roommate along with me to lunch with my friend Sandy.  Sandy and I have been meeting on a regular basis for almost a decade.   That is the best long-term most consistent friendship in my life.  

I am an introvert that likes to isolate.   My roommate can make me look positively gregarious with her isolation skills.  She has decent people skills in that she makes conversation with eye contact and such.  

Three years ago when asked what she was thinking or feeling, she would reply with “what does it matter?”   She still answers a question with a question about half the time, which might then segue into a conversation.  The other half the time she responds more directly.

It would be hubris for me to say or think “you need to do xyz…” for another person.   I do believe and research proves that for the vast majority of us, relationships are the most important part of living a quality life.

I am doing a better job with my relationships to make my life better and as a way to best help my roommate.

I am grateful for the quality relationships in my life today for being able to be of service to others.

The Hottest Day In Seven Months

It was 80° today in Seattle.   That last time that happened was seven months ago on 9/12/15.  We are in the midst of breaking multiple high temperature records.   Today shattered the previous record high on this date by 6° by moving the mark from 74 to 80°.  Tomorrow will be several degrees hotter.   I am okay with heat records in April.  It is the ones in July and August that are too warm for my taste.

I am grateful for warm sunny weather in April.   It is a wonderful change from cool and dreary.

I Bought Stuff

I am not a materialistic person.   In the last week, I bought 2 vacuum cleaners (upright and dustbuster), a computer, got a new cell phone on warranty, fancy jewelers pliers on warranty, a miniaturized PC by Intel called a NUC along and 2 polo shirts.

These will make my life better and I appreciate having them and being able to afford them.   Was not much of a “retail therapy” high associated with buying them.   I did feel much better than usual last night when I got home.  I think most of that was from a good meeting with my NA sponsor.

I have both a nice Miele canister and a Hoover upright vacuum cleaner.  The Miele makes less dust but does not work so well for me to use from my wheelchair.  I got the Hoover used 13 years ago and the plastic power switch mechanism was dying.  Costco had new Hoovers on sale last night on my way through the store.  I passed them by, circled back and got one.

The dustbuster is for cleaning my car.  They lack power but will certainly be better than going months between gas station vacuumings.   I have a mental barrier on vacuuming that makes for a messy car floor.   The dustbuster will make for a cleaner car carpet.

My cell phone was not working on handset audio (vs speakerphone audio that did work).  Was less than a year old and so under warranty.   Same model of phone.  Took less than an intermittent hour to swap phones via activation and updates.   That went well.

The new NUC (Next Unit of Computing = full power computer in 4 x 4 x 2 inch case) PC will be used as like a TIVO controller for my TV.  My previous TV controller laptop lacked graphics oomph.  This has Intel’s latest onboard 6100 graphics chip and be all the graphics power I need for years to come.

A friend’s husband lost a lot of weight 8 years ago.  She gave me his shirts.  They were at least as nice as what I would buy or even a lot higher quality.  I have not had to buy shirts in years.   I bought a couple of inexpensive shirts since it is getting on time to upgrade my wardrobe and I want to get a special mini-HDMI cable tomorrow for my new PC from Amazon that required spending $35 for 1-day delivery.  Thus, 2 new shirts.

That is more hardware than I have bought in the last 18 months.   Just kind of happened that way on the time-line of all coming together this week due to the pliers and phone breaking last week.  Ordered the NUC last week.   It had to be assembled and shipped from Oakland.

For several years, my TV controller was a giant insulated/soundproofed tower PC case.  Now it is about ½ a thick paperback novel for a fanless more powerful PC.

I am grateful for the ever shrinking power of modern electronics and for classic designs like polo shirts, Hoover uprights and dustbusters; and for being able to afford to buy these formerly  luxury items at will.

Doing the Footwork

Went to an AA meeting at the local prison by myself this evening due to my road buddies not feeling well.  Got to the prison, waited 30 minutes and found out that there was not a meeting due to some other annual event using our meeting space.

I was totally okay with my having made the effort and it not working out as planned.  I was kind, patient, and polite to staff and with my self-talk.   Stopped by Costco on the way home filling their giant car with “impulse buys” that was mostly stuff I planned on getting in the next month, just not right then.

I am grateful for having made the effort and having had a good trip to Monroe, Costco and home.  That is a lot better than being pissed-off over events beyond my control.

Apartment Maintenance Issues

I have lived in my apartment since 2013.   There is a serious need to replace the worn-out carpet, paint and fix other minor issues.

Management is balking.  The current manager went on a 3-month medical leave.   There is an acting manager that has worked here for a few months.  Maintenance staff used to be great.   The last two years has watched service quality plummet.  Talking is not getting it so far.

I have mad skillz with scorched-earth conflict resolution.  That often gets the physical results I am seeking at the cost of relationships.  At this point, I am not sure I have much to lose.

Last week, maintenance fixed two bolts holding my toilet to the floor.  They also smeared feces on the wall, toilet tank lid and a few spots on the floor.   I have had that repair done before—never with such messy results.  My roommate is trying to get the wire racks in her closet fixed.   The waist-high rack is missing and the upper rack bracket tore out of the sheetrock.  Maintenance put a tiny screw in the sheetrock next to an existing gaping hole and left a note on scratch paper threatening to charge us if it ever breaks again.   Cobwebs could break that “repair”.

This afternoon, I wrote an email to the acting manager including photos of the note and closet workmanship.  I left the address blank so I would not accidentally send it.  I shared the email with my roommate and edited it again tonight.   I will read it again tomorrow and then send it off.

This is the second email asking for a repair plan of action.  The first email resulted in an inspection letting me know the carpeting needs work and they will get back to me with a plan.

Most people would move to a new apartment.  This one works really well for me and my wheelchair with flat level ground between the door, car and trash.  There are few places in this price range and location that have that feature.  I would prefer to not live in a place with an elevator.  All too often, broken elevators have either trapped me or blocked me out.

I am going to stay here.  I just signed another  year long lease starting in May.

I will be living in a place with nicer paint and carpeting.

I am grateful to have advocacy skills and options in my life today to deal with my esthetic problems of deferred maintenance.  None of these issues deal with functionality—that part works greats.

A Victory Lap

My roommate went to lunch with her ex-husband, son and daughter yesterday.   It was the first real interaction with her daughter in 5 years.  It went really well with love, joy, laughter and an invitation to spend more time with her daughter over Memorial Day weekend at her home in rural Snohomish County.

I did my best to be supportive Sunday morning and for the preceding week.   It was an emotionally loaded positive event—which is where we alcoholics are highly prone to self-destructive behavior.  It was new behavior for us to not blow-up before or after the event.

We celebrated by taking a “victory lap” with those that had been of vital importance to us along the way. 

Sandy was my first friend to meet Lea, or at least see some woman nodding out in my car while we went to lunch 3 years ago.   We each wrote a nice note on a thank you card and give it to Sandy while having lunch with her today.   It was glorious to get to celebrate that success with her.  No way I could have helped Lea like I have without Sandy’a loving support while I vented all kinds of frustration over the years.

Lea called Margie before meeting her family and then we met them at a meeting afterwards to review the experience (aka bookending).   It was a very successful moment for all of us.   We would not have made it without Margie and Charlie’s support along the way.   We have been meeting every week for over a year in a sort of family or group sponsorship along with help from Mike and Diana.   We needed all the help we could get in how to do relationships in sobriety.

Lots of other people helped us along the way.  Karen, Leslee and Greg definitely get a shout-out.   Bill had no problem being amused by my weekly dramas.   Thank you all very much.   Lea’s daughter doesn’t even know you exist, yet you changed her life for the better by helping me help Lea get recovery.

I am grateful for all the positive, loving, supportive role models in my life.

Not So Terminally Unique Anymore

Prior to and for years after coming to 12-step recovery, I was filled with self-pity and terminally unique.  Now I am not nearly so terminally unique.  I still take myself, my foibles and my problems way to seriously, but it is near-infinitely better than how it used to be.

I am grateful for my progress in learning that I am much more nearly your garden variety alcoholic.   That is a treatable condition with great results for those that do the treatment.

Families Reunited

My roommate walked out on her family 15 years ago to go use drugs in a serious way with no time for family in her life.   Tomorrow her ex-husband is taking her to lunch along with her 20-year old daughter and her fiancé.   It will be the first time in 5 years she has seen & talked with her daughter.   Her family relations have been a painful issue for a long time.  Even a good thing is stressful.   My roommate is doing relatively well with this event  compared with other previous dysfunctional responses to both positive and negative stressful events.

Granted this is not Ozzie and Harriet forever.   It is a large positive step in the right direction.   That is good enough for tomorrow.  I hope it goes well for all of them.

I am grateful for how much progress my roommate has made in 37 months of methadone and recovery.  That sure beats the alternatives.

Calendars

One of my anecdotal definitions of time is that it is the measure of increasing entropy in the Universe.  Don’t really have a source for that beyond the 2^nd law of thermodynamics.  Entropy increases and time goes by.

I have a decent Android smart phone.   Most of my friends with smart phones do their calendars on them.   I still carry a big fat DayRunner planner/wallet since I already always have a backpack with my wheelchair for phone, gloves, accessories and so on.

My current DayRunner is wearing out.   It came with a cell phone pocket that was great for small old school cell phones.   That pocket doesn’t work for smart phones.   I have a new DayRunner  that has been in a drawer for a couple of years.  It will likely be my last DayRunner to use as a wallet/calendar.   They last about 5 years depending on how beat-up they are before I stop using them.

Calendars are amazing things.  It never occurred to me to predict when the next lunar or solar eclipse was coming.  Allegedly Thales of Miletus predicted the solar eclipse of May 28, 585 BC.  That is questionably.  The Chinese were predicting eclipses by 8 BC using the 135 month period.  I am in awe of their observational and deductive skills. 

I am grateful for calendars to keep track of my appointments and for the very concept of quantifying the measurement of time.

Renewable Energy

I believe that Global Warming (aka anthropocentric climate change) is rapidly changing our world on a much faster than geologic time scale.  When I moved back to Seattle from Santa Barbara 28 years ago, I was counting on it so I could live in a warmer place.

Either global warming is happening or not happening (according to the deniers).  Either way, reducing reliance on fossil fuels is a good thing.   For years, the ultimate dream was fusion power.   That is still a pipe dream.   Solar power as gain efficiency and cost reduction on a similar trajectory at Moore’s Law which states that integrated circuits double in density every two years.  That is a lot like as being twice as powerful or half as expensive.  Whatever the curve, it is extremely rapid progress.

The price of coal has plummeted in the last five years from $200/ton to $40/ton.   Likewise the local demand to make ports for shipping coal overseas has plummeted along with fossil fuel train traffic projections.   I sure don’t want that toxic crap polluting our region so that some rich guys living elsewhere get richer.

I am pleasantly surprised by the “sudden” increase in solar power since the days when President Reagan removed Carter’s solar power unit from the White House in the early 1980s.  That was like 3 or 5 oil wars ago depending on how you count your battles.  Those oil wars will hopefully soon be a thing of the past.  Thank god.

I am grateful for all the enormous possibilities for all mankind that cheap renewable energy will make possible.

A Hot Early Spring Day

Tomorrow could be a record hot day for the Seattle area reaching 80°.   After a record wet winter, it is welcome news for the heliophiles and those of us that have had enough cold wet cloudy weather.

I am grateful for warm sunny days.

Panama Papers

From The Guardian

The Panama Papers are an unprecedented leak of 11.5m files from the database of the world’s fourth biggest offshore law firm, Mossack Fonseca. The records were obtained from an anonymous source by the German newspaper Süddeutsche Zeitung, which shared them with the International Consortium of Investigative Journalists (ICIJ). The ICIJ then shared them with a large network of international partners, including the Guardian and the BBC.

Tonight’s spiritual principle word was justice.  There is little justice in our legal system for those with absolute power.  Today the PM of Iceland was forced out of office for laundering money.   As a result of these leaks, many more leaders will face consequences from their actions.  Our legal systems are near-powerless to stop international money laundering.  The court of public opinion loaded fueled by outrageous documented examples of corruption  and theft has much more power.

I am grateful for whistleblowers everywhere.   It is our best chance for the little guy to fight back against corruption to get at least a slice of justice against the predators that destroy our economies with their greed and despotism.

NCAA Basketball Champion Villanova Beats North Carolina

My friend Mark called from Houston yesterday letting me know he was going to watch Villanova play basketball tonight.   Turned out that Villanova was in the men’s NCAA championship game with North Carolina.  I did not know that.  So much for my being a fan of March Madness (nickname for the playoff games in March).

We are going to have lunch on Friday for the first time in well over a year.  I watched the game as best I could.   It has all too often felt like it takes 20 minutes to play the last 60 seconds of a college basketball game with way too many commercials and time-outs for my enjoyment.

This was a great game with many lead changes.  NC won the first half and Villanova won the second half by an even bigger margin with a last second 3-pointer to win the game.  It was Villanova first championship in 31 years.

I am sure Mark enjoyed the game.  He grew up in Philly near the ‘Nova campus.

I played basketball for 7 years after I was paralyzed.   It was a great experience with lots of exercise and camaraderie with other guys in wheelchairs.  They taught me a lot about life in a wheelchair and we traveled to places I would not have otherwise gone.

I am grateful for the great game of basketball.

Changing Conclusions

Went to an NA meeting this morning that I have been attending for nearly two years on a sporadic basis.  There was way too much syrupy sunshine being blown around the room by people talking out of their butts for my taste.  I might go back next year when they have a different secretary and hopefully less cult of personality with more Traditions.

Was going to have my roommate move out by July due to yelling and conflict issues back in January.   We have been doing much better since then and really well for the last couple of weeks.

This was the third time I have asked her to leave.   I/we need better conflict resolution skills than “get out” and then “okay, you can stay”.   Progress not perfection.

I am grateful to have the wisdom and free will to change my mind to get results that will make my life better and not be stuck on a bad choice due to pride, ego or lack of change management skills.

 PS: Was going to give a shout-out to John Maynard Keynes for a quote to the effect of “when the facts change, I change my conclusions”, but there is conflicting web info as to whether or not he actually said anything like that.

Pray For Willingness

Just now while writing about the 6^th Spiritual Principle of recovery—willingness, I reiterated how to me it was the most important attribute to have for recovery (or to be be successful in practically anything for that matter).

Then I realized I need more willingness in my head, heart and life to take on other issues including diet, exercise, sponsoring others, working on hobbies and participating in life.

I will pray for more willingness in my life.

I am grateful for the willingness I have had in my life and look forward to acquiring more as I strive to be happier and more successful in my life.

I Won The Lottery!

Won a five million dollar lottery today.  

April Fool’s.   I don’t even buy tickets.  My friend Math Bob said it best, “the lottery is a tax for those that don’t understand math”.

I am grateful for a reasonably high level of math literacy and for a sense of humor!