My thoughts took a turn for the worse yesterday after a great start to
the day. I realized this morning that
was possibly due in part to having been paralyzed 33 years ago on 6/18/81. At 55 years of age, I have now spent 60% of
my life being paralyzed. Oops…
I did talk about my feelings with others and write about them
here. It is peculiar how I have such a
fear of discussing my feelings when I know the alternative is to end up either
miserable or using and miserable. For
most people the choice would be obvious and not need to be rethought at every
turn. For alcoholics like me, sharing my
feelings with others is anathema at first thought. Only by thinking it through am I able to
persuade myself to come clean with my secrets.
One of my favorite recovery clichés is we are only as sick as our secrets.
Lies of omission have been a huge problem for me in the past. I strive to avoid repeating that mistake and
ensuing relapse to the best of my ability.
I am grateful for a good book—Neal Stephenson’s Reamde—, a nice swim, a
warm day, being able to help others and a great Picasso quote that I heard
yesterday “The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to
give it away.”
Keeping your feelings bottled up is not good for any person..I feel badly you lost your legs to an accident like you have mentioned, what could have been was gone in an instant..Many have suffered from other things in an instant and are fearful and depressed and not at all able to speak of anything at all..It is not good to keep traumatic events inside, you are to be admired for your sobriety and life can be beautiful no matter what happens to a person at all..Keep up the great work to keep sober and the beauty you deserve will come to you daily..ciao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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