The Acid Test

As we work the first nine Steps, we prepare ourselves for the adventure of a new life. But when we approach Step Ten we commence to put our A.A. way of living to practical use, day by day, in fair weather or foul. Then comes the acid test: can we stay sober, keep in emotional balance, and live to good purpose under all conditions?  12x12, p. 88

I know the Promises are being fulfilled in my life, but I want to maintain and develop them by the daily application of Step Ten. I have learned through this Step that if I am disturbed, there is something wrong with me. The other person may be wrong too, but I can only deal with my feelings. When I am hurt or upset, I have to continually look for the cause in me, and then I have to admit and correct my mistakes. It isn't easy, but as long as I know I am progressing spiritually, I know that I can mark my effort up as a job well done. I have found that pain is a friend; it lets me know there is something wrong with my emotions, just as a physical pain lets me know there is something wrong with my body. When I take the appropriate action through the Twelve Steps, the pain gradually goes away.  

From the book Daily Reflections for October 2^nd.

           

My ability to recognize the cause of my (emotional) pain is vastly better than how it used to be.  In large part that is now having skills to right wrongs that I had no functional way to deal with in the past.  Righting my wrongs provides me with a working feedback mechanism that  allows me a method to correct an emotional problem like pulling a thorn from my hand so that it no longer continues to pain and more damage. 

Righting my wrongs surely sounds simply to most normal people, but for alcoholics like me it is not an innate skill.  I knew how to do denial, defend my behaviors and attack others, but simply owning my part, righting the wrong and not repeating that behavior is an impossible task for me to do without a great deal of focus on my part, help from others and a strong connection to my higher power.

I am grateful to be able to right my wrongs much better than how it used to be.  There is still plenty of room for improvement.  I continue to work on it every day.