Glad It Is Not Me

A 39-year old man called me today asking me for bus money.  When I discussed taking his taking action to get help from social service agencies that provide things such as rent and bus passes, he went into a major manipulative mode stating he had not heard of such agencies.  When discussing contacting them, he complained of anxiety.  When discussing being mindful and meditation, he complained of being told what to do.  I left that conversation with an icky feeling that has lasted for hours.

I am not able to help people that won’t help themselves by having at least enough willingness to talk about taking action, much less having the willingness to take action.

I understand he is depressed.  That is the inevitable outcome of staying home, isolating, refusing to take action, lying and failed manipulation.  I have compassion and empathy for him.  Unfortunately in my experience, I am unable to help people that won’t help themselves.  Having healthy boundaries will help me allow him to hit his bottom so that he becomes beaten into a state of reasonableness—hopefully before he dies from the consequences of addiction.

I did become engaged in his drama by trying to help him.  It feels like all he wanted was money for telling BS lies.  I hope he finds the help he needs.  I certainly won’t be providing the money he was asking for.

I am grateful to be responsible for my bills, transportation needs and having better boundaries with sick people that won’t take action to help themselves.  Writing about these conversation made me feel a lot less icky.