It is a spiritual
axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is
something wrong with us. 12x12 pg 90
I never truly
understood the Tenth Step's spiritual axiom until I had the following
experience. I was sitting in my bedroom, reading into the wee hours, when
suddenly I heard my dogs barking in the back yard. My neighbors frown on this
kind of disturbance so, with mixed feelings of anger and shame, as well as fear
of my neighbors' disapproval, I immediately called in my dogs. Several weeks
later the exact situation repeated itself but this time, because I was feeling
more at peace with myself, I was able to accept the situation—dogs will
bark—and I calmly called in the dogs. Both incidents taught me that when a
person experiences nearly identical events and reacts two different ways, then
it is not the event which is of prime importance, but the person's spiritual
condition. Feelings come from inside,not from outward circumstances. When my
spiritual condition is positive, I react positively.
Daily Reflections for October 9th
I am much better checking myself when I am bothered by external events
than how it used to be. Now I usually pause
when agitated to reflect on what is truly bothering me. Inevitably it not the just happened actual
event/action that is bothering me, but my interpretation and emotional response
that is my problem.
While drunk last week, Michelle was beaten to within an inch of her
life. She is still bruised, sore and
not able to use her right arm. This
morning she decided that it was more important to make phone calls than go to a
meeting. I reviewed our first tradition,
“Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon A.A.
unity." Explaining that going to
meetings with others is vastly more important to those of us that have
struggled to stay sober than it is sitting home alone making phone calls. She had clearly made her choice and I left for
our morning meeting feeling sad.
In the AA big book, one of the first examples of alcoholic behavior is
of the jaywalker.
"Our behavior
is as absurd and incomprehensible with respect to the first drink as that of an
individual with a passion, say, for jay-walking. He gets a thrill out of
skipping in front of fast-moving vehicles. He enjoys himself for a few years in
spite of friendly warnings. Up to this point you would label him as a foolish
chap having queer ideas of fun. Luck then deserts him and he is slightly
injured several times in succession. You would expect him, if he were normal,
to cut it out. Presently he is hit again and this time has a fractured skull.
Within a week after leaving the hospital a fast-moving trolley car breaks his
arm. He tells you he has decided to stop jay-walking for good, but in a few
weeks he breaks both legs."
"On through the
years this conduct continues, accompanied by his continual promises to be
careful or to keep off the streets altogether. Finally, he can no longer work,
his wife gets a divorce and he is held up to ridicule. He tries every known
means to get the jaywalking idea out of his head. He shuts himself up in an
asylum, hoping to mend his ways. But the day he comes out he races in front of
a fire engine, which breaks his back. Such a man would be crazy, wouldn't
he?"
"You may think
our illustration is too ridiculous. But is it? We, who have been through the
wringer, have to admit if we substituted alcoholism or any addiction for
jay-walking, the illustration would fit exactly. However intelligent we may
have been in other respects, where alcohol has been involved, we have been
strangely insane. It's strong language but isn't it true?"
While I did not get done nearly as much as was hoped for today, I did
go to a meeting, talk with others and stay physically, mentally and emotionally
sober today. I got to process being
saddened Michelle’s decisions and recognize that it is not my problem. My problem is how I will respond to her not
going to meetings. I will likely not say
much beyond the fact that I will not and cannot work on her recovery harder
than she is. She will either do the work
or go back out.
No comments:
Post a Comment