When we retire at
night, we constructively review our day. . . . On awakening let us think about
the twenty-four hours ahead. . . . Before we begin, we ask God to direct our
thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or
self-seeking motives. Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 86
I lacked serenity.
With more to do than seemed possible, I fell further behind, no matter how hard
I tried. Worries about things not done yesterday and fear of tomorrow's
deadlines denied me the calm I needed to be effective each day. Before taking
Steps Ten and Eleven, I began to read passages like the one cited above. I
tried to focus on God's will, not my problems, and to trust that He would
manage my day. It worked! Slowly, but it worked!
Daily Reflections for October 14th.
Lea, Michelle and I needed to have a “house talk” about boundaries and
expectations as roommates in recovery.
Lea and I discussed and planned it for almost two hours today with the
help of our sponsors and two others that had well over 100 years of sobriety
between the four of them. It was a new
experience in my life getting much love and great guidance from much wiser friends
for such a volatile topic with a partner (Lea).
When it came time for the talk, Lea wanted to put it off saying she
needed to plan and pray about what she was going to say. I knew I needed to talk about it tonight
before I got paid tomorrow morning.
So I brought it up with Lea and I in the kitchen and Michelle across
the counter. Lea finished making her
microwave burrito and walked out of the room.
Michelle said “if that is the way you feel I can just leave” and went into
the bathroom for an hour. I made a big
pot of spaghetti. By the time I finished
cleaning up, they were in their room. I
brought up a sort of meta conversation about my/our need to talk. We did not discuss specifics, but I was able
to talk Michelle down a bit and explain to her that it is not all about
her. My sobriety is fragile and precious
to me. I need to do the best job of
healthy self-care that I can.
Then I called Diana to “bookend”our conversation and checkin with
her. She was very supportive. It was incredibly helpful to have guidance
and support from someone with 40+ years experience in substance abuse
treatment. I would not have done nearly
so well on my own. We did manage to at
least figuratively point at an issue and say that we need to talk about that without
yelling or running away from home. That
is plenty good enough for today.
I am grateful for the progress we have made in our recoveries getting
our lives and relationships back on track.
Before it would have been anger, scorn, derision, the silent treatment
and running away. This is a lot better
than how it used to be.
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