Bonding With Others

For the first half-dozen years in recovery, I thought I was missing a bonding molecule in my brain that allowed me to connect with others.  Back then, I was correct in that I did not bond well with others.  I am still an introvert, but my bonding and feeling connected with friends and others is fantastically better than how it used to be.

I now know that, like most alcoholics, I have an attachment disorder that led me to bond with the bottle or pipe instead of with other people.  Today my emotional and relational bonds with other people are the most important human condition in my quest for long-term sobriety. Instead of always hearing the difference and feeling apart from others, now I hear the similarities and feeling connected to others.

Watching Lea have problems connecting to others causes me to feel compassion and empathy for her.  By the same token, balking at doing the work required to get connected is not helping her situation in any way, shape or form. 

I remember having overwhelming trust issues that were difficult to overcome enough to allow me to trust the process.  I was blessed by having no viable alternatives that made for a simple choice between continuing to do what did not work or try a few simple suggestions that required a lot of scary change—that I did not have to do all at once.  Progress, not perfection.

I am grateful for the connections and bonds that I have formed with other members in the fellowship of AA that keeps me sober today.