I have been regularly attending 12-step meetings for 15 years and firmly
believe that the AA program works for those that work it. Yet somehow I have trouble finding (or lack) the
courage to put myself out there to work with newcomers as a way of life. As a result, my sobriety has been one of
punctuated equilibrium, or more nearly, I have relapsed multiple times over the
years.
Tomorrow will be 11 months of sobriety.
People talk in meetings of having the obsession to use removed from
them. That has not been my experience. Thoughts
of using come to me every day. My latest
conclusion is that I need to spend more time working directly with others in
early sobriety as a way to have the obsession removed from my thinking.
Knowing the problem and having a solution is not the same as being in
the solution. For some reason, I am
balking at putting myself out there to help newcomers. I will pray for the courage to act on my
convictions to get relief from the obsession to use.
I have a lot more courage today than how it used to be. Progress, not perfection.
I am grateful for what courage I have now and look forward to acquiring
enough to enable me to put myself out there to be of service to newcomers as a
way of lifting the obsession to use from my thoughts.
Since alcoholism and drug abuse is a disease, don't beat yourself up for having thoughts of using daily..It is a hard hard struggle, daily I am told and I have been told it really never goes away, just abated day by day and with AA it helps enormously..I applaud your efforts to stay clean and sober it is one tough hellish disease to fight each and everyday but many can and do with the help of AA and the support of the program. God Bless you in your daily life! have a warm week, guess the storms are coming in droves there, the rain here seems to never stop although it is warm but it is raining like Noah's ark, but if we don't get he rain and snow pack it will only like hell for much of the spring and summer so I am not a complaining, keep smiling, attending and reaching out to others who need help it will help you!
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