Feeling My Feelings

I have read a score of books this year on mindfulness, self-compassion, emotional intelligence, etc., combined with intensive work with acute relapsers, meeting with elders and daily meeting attendance, I have made fantastic progress in actually feeling my feelings instead of the historical passive-aggressive self-pitying victimization that used to be my M.O.

I am now better able to feel, comprehend and possibly identify my feelings in a ways that I was never able to do so before in my life.  When I was a kid, I would cry and be told that was wrong, shameful and unacceptable.  I developed mad skillz in avoiding feeling my feelings that ultimately led in great part to my becoming a drug addict as I tried to self-medicated that which could never get enough medication.

Today I am sober and working on feeling my feelings.  They often baffle me, but it has become an interesting puzzle to work on and okay when I don’t completely understand what I am feeling.   If I don’t learn that moment’s lesson, it is sure to come up again and again until I do finally learn my lesson.  Even then, there are lessons that I will surely have to revisit again and again as I have a built-in forgetter of the finest quality.

I am grateful for my increased emotional maturity, increased trust in the relationship between doing the work and getting the results and for a full day.  Also, Clara is supposed to be here soon to by my old Cougar for $950.  That is the most I have ever sold one of my used cars for in my life.