Did the usual Tuesday morning routine of meditation readings with Lea
and Michelle, meeting, Crossroads Mall with Charlie and Margie and Diana, light
grocery shopping, and then home for lunch.
Felt some degree of loneliness that lead to a craving to use in order
to “be somebody”, talked about it with others and then took a nap. Using always changes how I feel—I like the
high and would then feel bad about yet another relapse for days, weeks and months
to come. The insanity of addiction is
that spending all my money on a high that might last for a day seems
reasonable. It is frustrating to never
be more than another hit away from a relapse.
So my afternoon was a big nap followed by a broccoli dinner then three TV
shows and finishing off a so-so sci-fi book on my Kindle. For a blah day with more than a little
compulsion and/or craving to use, having stayed sober is a really great place
to be.
I am grateful for the eight months and two weeks that I have sober
today. That is a lot better than
starting over with no money, no time and mass incomprehensible demoralization.
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