“All these failings generate
fear, a soul-sickness in its own right.
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 49
"Fear knocked at the door; faith answered; no one was there."
I don't know to whom this quote should be attributed, but it certainly
indicates very clearly that fear is an illusion. I create the illusion myself.
I experienced fear early in my life and I mistakenly thought that the
mere presence of it made me a coward. I didn't know that one of the definitions
of "courage" is "the willingness to do the right thing in spite
of fear." Courage, then, is not necessarily the absence of fear.
During the times I didn't have love in my life I most assuredly had
fear. To fear God is to be afraid of joy. In looking back, I realize that,
during the times I feared God most, there was no joy in my life. As I learned
not to fear God, I also learned to experience joy.”
From the
book Daily Reflections
All of my life, I suffered from a generalized anxiety with no specific
cause and was unable to remember joyful moments nearly as well as negative
experiences. This was like chronic PTSD
per current neuropsychological research.
Even after years of recovery I still had generalized anxiety, although
it was not nearly as overwhelming as it used to be.
Using tools from recovery, meditation, and positive psychology, I have
been able to rewire my brain stop the constant generalized anxiety and wake-up
looking forward to each day. Now I get
up every day to read a page from an AA and an Alanon spiritual affirmation and write my gratitude blog.
I had been doing a few minutes exercise for a couple of weeks in
March. That fell by the wayside due to
problems with chronic blood clots in my left thigh and then failure to
(literally) get back on my hand-bike and ride.
Today I will ride my hand-bike for 5 minutes.
I am grateful to be free from generalized anxiety today and for having
the wherewithal to get some exercise.
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