I was in a cranky mood today over some missing kitchen utensils. Then I went swimming and did not have my swim
paddles and goggles after Lea told me she put them in the swim bag last night. I was half-filled with self-righteous anger and
resentment. I was even more annoyed when
the gear could not be found when I got home.
Then we had a spat after my having gone to the pool and not swimming due
to a lack of gear (or laziness?).
I knew I did not either of us to spend the day being angry with
ourselves, the world or each other. The
swim gear had been left at the pool and was at the desk. I will get it tomorrow. I made amends and the healing began to
reduce the wound of negativity. Then the
kitchen utensils turned up after Michelle made yet another search of the
kitchen.
I tried using my tools to get back to living mindfully in the
moment. My mind kept getting sucked back
into self-righteous anger about all I had done “for them” and my property being
abused, discarded or destroyed by those I am trying to help with seemingly
little respect for what little I do have.
There is a history of this happening…especially to the damage I did to
my father’s property as an thoughtless insensitive angry-at-the-world teenager. While my behavior was not perfect, there is
great progress in my getting to the amends in near real-time instead of a
geologic time scale. There was much less
damage and much more healthy time in my own mind today thanks my increasing
emotional intelligence and desire to have joy in my life.
I am grateful for my increased emotional intelligence that allows me to
escape the pitfalls of my own best thinking that wants to fuel the flames of my
self-righteous anger and indignation.
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