I have suffered from depression since the age of 15 when I put a gun in
my mouth and did not pull the trigger hoping that tomorrow would be a better
day. For years, I self-medicated with
black market drugs and alcohol in an ultimately futile attempt to feel
better. I will always be prone to
depression.
The good news is that I now have a spiritual toolkit to help me find my
way when I get into a deeper than usual funk.
The holidays went well enough, but still left me in a bit of a
daze. I have finally learned techniques in
that experiential knowledge sort of way—as opposed to book learning or theoretical
knowledge way—that relatively quickly help me out of my depression and get me
back on track. Being mindful and taking
right action are two vital pieces of a working solution. My Gratitude blog is huge in helping me avoid
even greater depression.
Being mindful calls for living in the moment and not ruminating on the
past or future. Right action has me
doing good self-care such as swimming, talking with others or, even better,
being of service to others by helping someone else. That might not lead to mass happiness, but it
does help me to have a meaningful life.
That is presumably my most profound possession. (I don’t know why I go so alliterative at
times, but know that I do. Okay, it is
often related to hiding my emotions or pain behind repetitive pronunciations in
some sort of mild OCD sort of way.)
My swimming has fallen off from 5ish times a week to twice last week
and nothing as of Wednesday night this week.
I plan to go swimming tomorrow for sure.
I will take Lea to Harborview to get Carpal Tunnel surgery on her left
hand and then pick her up when she is done.
I am grateful to have better tools to help me deal with my chronic
depression. It is a lot better than now
it used to be.
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