A Secret Admirer

When reading Archie comic books as a kid, there were ads for being pen-pals with other kids around the US and the world.  I longed to have a pen-pal but never wrote for fear of not knowing what to write and for being disparaged and belittled by my family.

A decade ago I did do a pen-pal thing (corrections correspondence) via Alanon with a few inmates in other states.  My experience was less than stellar due to percieved predatory behavior by the inmates I was corresponding with.   It seemed they were more interested in getting me to do things for them than working an Alanon program.   I did not mind buying them an Alanon book, contacting others on their behalf was beyond the pale.  That was not for me.

I began blogging about gratitude 8ish years ago in fits and starts as a way to focus on feeling and expressing more gratitude in my life.  The writing has hugely successful in helping me get from a state of life-long chronic depression to reasonably happy and very serene today.  A wonderful secondary effect has been to both keep my sister Karen in Australia updated on what is going on in my life and to know that I am sober—it is impossible for me to write about gratitude while I am using.  If I am writing, I am clean and sober.

Now I have a secret admirer leaving positive comments on my posts.  That is pretty cool!    It is nice to get support and positive feedback from a “normie”.  I get lots of positive strokes from my friends in recovery that I have known for years.

I am grateful to be able to get and give healthy positive support to others in my life.  That is a lot better than how it used to be with my fears creating a huge sarcastic barrier to keep “them” at a distance at all costs.