I have not heard from Greg in a week.
He planned on coming home last Thursday.
He is either dead or smoking crack.
Was going to Mall today with Lea to get a new comforter. She said she was too tired to go. I went by myself. When I got home, she was gone after having
leaving a note “be back soon”. Her drugs
of choice are heroin and crack.
Greg has been going to meetings for 20 years and can’t stay sober. He must have put together a couple of years
several times but nothing like that in the last five years. Lea has been going
to AA for seven months and once had two months before getting stuck relapsing
every couple of weeks for the last two months.
In theory, the AA program should be all I need to stay sober. It has worked successfully for millions and
millions of alcoholics over the last 78 years. 10 or 20 times that number of
people attended meetings and failed to stay sober—abstinence and working the
steps are vital to making any real progress.
In practice, I find that doing more than AA is helping me a lot. Practicing gratitude on a daily basis, doing
(relatively short) Buddhist style meditating, a deeper relationship with my
higher power and studying positive psychology have all helped me close in on
six months of sobriety. Current reads on
Emotional IQ and Alcoholism as an Attachment Disorder have motivated me to redouble
my efforts in developing more meaningful relationships with others as an anchor
to have friends instead of drugs as my primary relationship.
At times, we need to have a selfish program of recovery. Better them than me volunteering to bring
back reports of what it is like out there in active addiction. I am sure it did not magically get any better
in the last six months.
While sad for the pain and angst I imagine my friends to be suffering
and for their absence in our relationship, I am even more grateful that it is
still not me being the one stuck out there using.
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