Healthier Boundaries

Weekday mornings for the last six months, Lea and I have gone to a 9:30 meeting at the Alano Club of the Eastside (ACES).  ACES is spiritual hallowed ground for alcoholics.  It is a place for newcomers to safely spend the day and for old-timers to enjoy fellowship and recovery.   As sanctuary for alcoholics, it has a fair bit of drama going on with non-drinking alcoholic insanity. 

I have found it is best to not spend too much time at the ACES on a regular basis to avoid getting sucked into the drama-rama of the still really suffering alcoholics.  There is a sign on the wall in the meeting explicitly stating that “Predatory behavior is not tolerated at the Alano Club”.  Even the prison does not have that sign.   Presumably it refers to sick guys hitting on new girls trying to get sober aka 13^th stepping.  It also applies to sick people trying to take a meeting hostage with their drunkalog.

At the business meeting almost two weeks ago on the first Thursday, we passed a motion to change our script at the beginning of the meeting to explicitly state that the AM Reflections meeting is a solution-based group.  Twice since then, guys claiming lots of AA experience took the meeting hostage with their drugalog.  When asked to stay in the solution, both got angry, tried to rationalize their behavior and left when the group would not co-sign their bs.  A new lady went on a drunkalog, was called on it, got into the solution and has been coming to the meetings every day since then.

As the youngest of 4 kids in a autocratic family, I was de-voiced as a child.  A big part of my recovery is learning how to ask for what I want.  Today I get to speak up at meetings asking for what I want—to be focused on the solution.  It does not mean I will get up, but at least I get to feeling validated for having expressed my needs in a healthy, kind and loving way.  There was still some conflict which inevitably generates a defensive fear-based response in me.  It is a lot better, and closer to healthy, than how it used to be.

I am grateful for healthier boundaries, a convenient meeting location at the ACES which has 60+ 12-step meetings a week less than a mile from my home and for solution-based groups that support members getting a healthy sobriety.