Healthy Boundaries

For several reasons, I greatly cut back on going to my usual morning meeting at a first-step hall where members rarely have double-digit sobriety.  Part of the problem was some predatory behavior by guys with years of recovery going after fragile women with months of sobriety.   Talked it over with those with decades of recovery.  My interpretation of their seemingly blasé response was to do nothing or possibly mention to the club manager.

This morning took the cake.   The woman secretarying the meeting went into the office and was immediately tracked down by guy I strongly believe to engage in predatory behavior—which is the ONE RULE posted on the bulletin board at the meeting hall to not do.   PERIOD.   Right after that, another guy went over to another woman that had acknowledged being able to barely make it to the meeting and walked her out of the meeting.   I have a cast-iron stomach that is never nauseous.   I almost threw up after seeing that shit.   I could not not-say nothing.   Shouting ensued after I called out the first predator for clearly unacceptable behavior.  I told him to F-off.   He tried to get me kicked off the club property by “bum-rushing” the manager (his words) about my calling him out.  That was not going to happen.

I really dislike conflict.   Predatory behavior on woman in early recovery might not be a crime, but it is the moral equivalent of negligient homicide or manslaughter.   Alcoholism and drug addiction is a fatal progressive disease.   To drink is to do.

I am still shaky over the experience 11 hours later.   I will do as the manager suggested and bring it up at the business meeting the day after tomorrow.   It is best for me to fight for a healthy meeting that at a time and place that works for me than run around trying to find an easier softer way somewhere else.   If I lose the fight, I can always move on.   Everybody should be safe at 12-step meetings.

I am grateful that I said something.   I would feel much worse to have said nothing while women are literally being chased out of recovery by predators.