After being tired and cranky last night, I woke up to being tired and
cranky again this morning. I did not
sleep well last night since I did not fall asleep until 5 AM. My plans for the day never really got started
until this afternoon when we finally made it to the 5:30 meeting.
I did read an entire novel in a day.
That is old escapist behavior. I
love to read and have spent more time in my life reading than any other
activity besides sleeping. My reading
stamina is not what it used to be with older eyeballs. Even with large print books and a larger font
on my Kindle, my eyes give out long before they used to. Wearing my glasses works while laying on my back
in bed, but that position is only good for an hour or two.
Nothing has changed today, but I did feel less self-righteous
indignation over perceived slights. It
was as if I wanted to be in a bad mood and then cast about for perceptions to
support that belief like what Goleman wrote about in Thinking Fast and Slow. The
fast thought was be cranky and the
slow thought was reasons why I should be cranky. I was not able to shake the crankiness with
the desired speed of right now, but at least I did not act upon my cranky
thoughts creating irreparable damage or even damage that I would have to make
amends for later.
This is all part of a year of great emotional growth for me. Knowing that I am cranky for stupid trivial
logical yet always valid emotional reasons helped me to not have to act on my
thoughts and feelings leading to a vicious spiral taking me away from the happy
place where I want to live my life. That
is a lot of progress with plenty of room for more growth later.
I am grateful to not have to act on my self-righteous indignation
(insanity), be able to feel my feelings and know that this too shall pass.
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