Better Late Than Never
I missed writing my Gratitude blog post last night. In a completely unrelated web activity, I
did take the time to confirm that “a foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of
little minds” is a quote from RW Emerson.
Writing about people and events I am grateful for every day has changed
my brain to be a bit more hardwired for happiness. That helps me overcome my chronic
depression. Swimming also helps my
depression. I am a lot more consistent
in my writing than in my swimming. I
swam once in the last week and wrote every day.
It is a lot easier to get to the keyboard than the pool.
I am grateful for consistently writing my Gratitude blog.
One Last Meeting At The Congregational Church
The Steppin Up AA group has
been meeting at the First Congregational church in Bellevue since it started 22
years ago. Tonight was the last meeting
for the group at that location. The
church is in the process of selling the property to a developer. The want groups to carry there own insurance
in the future. SU decided to move to a
less expensive location now as opposed to some random time in the future when
they got booted by the new owners.
Tonight’s meeting was on the 12th tradition: Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all
our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.
One way I practice anonymity is not putting my name on this blog. The NSA or any other reasonably computer
literate person could figure out who I am just as people could figure out who
was at a meeting by checking cars in the parking lot. We are anonymous, not top secret.
I greatly appreciate how important principles are in AA. As a child, rules were arbitrarily and capriciously
made and enforced. There was a terrible
sense of unfairness. AA is extremely
fair. For all of us, to drink is to die. The only questions about guideline is how
long it will take and how painful it would be.
I am grateful for AA’s 12 traditions and that the Steppin Up group studies a tradition every month. It has been a good homegroup to me for the
last 8 years.
A Slow Day
Lea and I went to the clinic and a meeting this morning. After that, I dropped Lea off and went to an
Alanon meeting. I used to go to Alanon
every week. My Alanon participation
stopped two years ago. It is a good
program that helps me better identify my boundaries and focus on my issues.
The King County Library System enjoyed a major online upgrade. I can now search the new KCLS website at http://kcls.bibliocommons.com, find a
book I want, click on a few more buttons and have the ebook pushed via
Amazon.com to my Kindle. One button
downloads would be better, but the site is pretty fast and for a cpuple extra button-clicks,
it works great for this first iteration at bibliocommons.
I am grateful to be able to enjoy slow days watching movies and reading
books.
Suit Up And Show Up
“In A.A. we aim not
only for sobriety — we try again to become citizens of the world that we
rejected, and of the world that once rejected us. This is the ultimate
demonstration toward which Twelfth Step work is the first but not the final
step. As Bill Sees It, p. 21
The old line says,
"Suit up and show up," That action is so important that I like to
think of it as my motto. I can choose each day to suit up and show up, or not.
Showing up at meetings starts me toward feeling a part of that meeting, for then
I can do what I say I'll do at meetings. I can talk with newcomers, and I can
share my experience; that's what credibility, honesty, and courtesy really are.
Suiting up and showing up are the concrete actions I take in my ongoing return
to normal living.” From the book Daily Reflections
I do suit up and show up for my life today by striving to live
mindfully in the moment all throughout the day by not worrying about the future
nor getting stuck in morbid reflection of the past.
I am grateful for my progress towards living my life when and as it
happens. It is far from perfect, but
still miraculously better than how it used to be.
Mindfulness, Acceptance and Serenity
It has been a great year for improving my mindfulness by living in the
present moment, accepting life on life’s terms and having serenity.
I am grateful for the progress I have made this year. It is great to be more mindful, accepting and
serene.
Merry Christmas and Welcome to Longer Days
Soon it will be Christmas. It
will be nice to spend time with friends, open gifts and enjoy a holiday meal
together.
Daylight was a good 16 seconds longer today than it was on the winter
solstice three days ago. Progress not
perfection! Having lots of sunny days in
December instead of the usual gray Seattle mist was a huge blessing for those
of us suffering from SAD.
I am grateful for friends to
share the holidays with, longer days, my sobriety, a warm place to live and
college football bowl games (now I need to figure out how to get ESPN for a two
weeks to watch all the games they have monopolized).
Early Xmas Gifts
While having lunch with Sandy today at Frankie’s Pizza & Pasta in
Redmond, she gave me an oversized watch-cap that she had knitted for me. I love it!
When I got home and checked the mail, my sister had sent me a calendar
of the local sights around Cairns. I
will use it to replace the calendar she had sent me last year. They are colorful and beautiful.
After tonight’s swim, Greg and I went over to QFC to read We Agnostics from the Big Book. While we were there, I bought him a fresh
Kringle and a pack of cigarettes for Xmas.
I am grateful for the gifts that I have been given this year and look
forward to Xmas in two days. It is also be
nice to be able give gifts to others thanks to the blessing of having friends
to give gifts to and the resources to be able to give them gifts in the spirit
of loving kindness.
Sunday Before Christmas
Wednesday is Christmas. For
about the 7th year in a row, I will spend it with Carol, Lise and a
few others. In the past we have done it
in Carol’s condo. This year there will
be a few more people and we will do it in the parlor at Carol’s condo. That will be plenty of room for about ten of
us to have dinner and do white elephant gifts.
Today was a good day. Our Sunday
night group is moving to a new location on January 5th from a few
blocks east of Bellevue Square Mall to a few blocks west of the mall. It is good that we waited until after Xmas to
move. The traffic is crazy both ways on
the ten blocks between i-405 and the mall.
It won’t be as bad after the New Year.
Made banana nut bread today for the first time in my life. It came out reasonably good. I liked it.
Not so sure about Lea. Mine had
walnuts in it and hers did not. Cooked
the bread in little white ramekin bowls that my sister got me to make loaves
the size of giant muffins. That worked
great.
I am grateful for a wonderful year of emotional growth and becoming
more mindful. Merry Xmas to you!
Get To vs Have To
When I think of completing the tasks on my TDL that will make my life
better, all too often I frame the work in the context of “I have to do…”. That instantly makes them more of an onerous
chore in my mind and less to do while completing said task. If I reframe the task as “I get to do…”, it
makes it said task more of a privilige and an opportunity making it an
opportunity to look forward to with anticipation and a more pleasant time while
completing the task.
For example, we have celebrated the holiday season with turkey, ham and
rib roast dinners over the last month.
The entree of choice for Xmas looks to be chicken cordon bleu. Chances are good that it will come out of a
box, but we might make them starting with chicken breasts, cheese and ham. I will get to go shopping for Xmas dinner and
maybe get to make chicken cordon bleu from scratch which will be a first for
me. Lea has made them before. We already checked at the downtown Bellevue Safeway
and they are not available as pre-made.
I am grateful for the things that I get to do in my life today. I am blessed with sufficient financial
security to afford Xmas gifts for others, a nice dinner, a warm place to live
and choices about how I get to spend my time with this holiday season.
Kringles From Larsen’s Bakery in Ballard
Met with Dan for our monthly lunch yesterday. Instead of burgers, pizza or Ivar’s fish
& chips (his favorite), we went to Larsen’s Bakery in NW Seattle/Ballard
for a dinner plate sized Danish pastry called Kringle. If beer is the nectar
of the Norse Gods, Kringles have got to be their morning pastry.
We hit the bakery jackpot setting a new personal record for my spending
at a bakery by about $50 achieving a grand total of $78 in yummy baked
goods. It was a strangely warm sunny
afternoon for the last day of Fall in Seattle.
Dan and I sat outside eating the best apple fritters ever with a ½ pint
of milk. It was a glorious holiday meal
dining al fresco in the 45° afternoon sun.
It felt like 50° easy!
I gave Dan a kringle for Christmas and headed over to Bellevue to meet
Greg to read More About Alcoholism from
the AA Big Book. He was hungry after working
all day on surveying the layout of a strip mall store for a redesign. We split a piece of incredible fruitcake from
Larsen’s. Greg is a serious foodie and
really appreciated the fruitcake. It was
the only fruitcake I had in years. It
was the best fruitcake he had in the Northwest.
It snowed this morning for the first time in two years in Seattle. It was just enough snow to keep me from
driving Lea to the clinic and secretarying the Friday 9:30 AM meeting at the
Alano Club. The weather warmed up by
noon. Several inches of snow had either
melted away or turned to slush.
At 2 o’clock, I drove Lea to Bellevue College to get her books for
class next quarter. She needed another
form signed that she did not have. I
doubt she is going to college next quarter.
Not much point in going if she is not willing to do the work. She has a condition akin to chronic fatigue
that needs further investigation. It
might not be treatable, but it can at least be diagnosed.
I went swimming for an hour. Had a ham sandwich, read part of a W.E.B.
Griffin book for the third time and had some apple Kringle for dessert. Right now, it is my favorite pastry
ever. Yummm!!!
I am grateful for mild winter snowstorms, swimming, sobriety, Kringles
and for being to be of service to others.
9 Months
I had 9 months of continuous sobriety yesterday…for the fourth
time. Alcoholism is a cunning, baffling
and powerful disease. It is good to be
amongst the small fraction of alcoholics that have any kind of time in their
sobriety.
Sure, it would be great to have 14+ years of sobriety since I went to
rehab. It would be even greater to not
be alcoholic nor paralyzed. Being
mindful of living in the present moment, I am an alcoholic and do have a spinal
cord injury.
It is easy to always remember to use my wheelchair to get around. I always do that. Remembering to use my
recovery tools to deal with my alcoholism is a lot harder and more
ambiguous. Right action is the ultimate
goal. My own best thinking is the thing
I crave. It is like the difference between
exercising and eating sugar for physical fitness when it comes to right action
vs my best thinking.
I am grateful for 9 months of sobriety and the tools of the
program.
Protecting The Elderly and Especially Our Mother
My mother lives in Sunrise senior care in Bellevue. It is an upscale place for seniors with
dementia. This year she has had two
checks written that can’t be explained.
One for $3200 and one for $1500.
The $1500 check was stolen and written by a Sunrise staff CNA named
Marlene. She was fired without being
reported to the Washington State board that handles nursing licenses. Thus she will just move on and prey on the
elderly elsewhere.
My sister and I find this situation intolerable. We are following up with Officer Slusser of
the Bellevue Police Department on case #13-47xyz. Talking with Officer Slusser today was a
pleasure. He listened, asked what he
could to help and took steps in that direction by calling the Sunrise manager,
Jared Gruber. Unfortunately, Jared was
not available.
Physically my mother and I are only a few miles apart. Emotionally, my mother and I are not close at
all. Nonetheless, it is not okay for her
to have money stolen from her by Sunrise staff with no consequences beyond
getting a new CNA job.
There is little I can do directly in this matter. Our mother has given her Power of Attorney to
Ladd Leavins a downtown Seattle lawyer that thinks it is okay for her Morgan
Stanley account to be churned by her broker, Robert Zorich, for $20,000 this
year alone. I can work with Officer
Slusser of the Bellevue PD, the WA State Nursing Board and WA State Adult
Protective Services to make sure it is well known at Sunrise that while our
mother might be easy prey to steal from, there are consequences that will last
a lifetime if those would prey on her get caught.
I am extremely grateful for a society of law and order that seeks to
protect its most vulnerable citizens from abuse. As a person with a profound disability, this
means a great deal to me.
Tired and Cranky – A Day Later
After being tired and cranky last night, I woke up to being tired and
cranky again this morning. I did not
sleep well last night since I did not fall asleep until 5 AM. My plans for the day never really got started
until this afternoon when we finally made it to the 5:30 meeting.
I did read an entire novel in a day.
That is old escapist behavior. I
love to read and have spent more time in my life reading than any other
activity besides sleeping. My reading
stamina is not what it used to be with older eyeballs. Even with large print books and a larger font
on my Kindle, my eyes give out long before they used to. Wearing my glasses works while laying on my back
in bed, but that position is only good for an hour or two.
Nothing has changed today, but I did feel less self-righteous
indignation over perceived slights. It
was as if I wanted to be in a bad mood and then cast about for perceptions to
support that belief like what Goleman wrote about in Thinking Fast and Slow. The
fast thought was be cranky and the
slow thought was reasons why I should be cranky. I was not able to shake the crankiness with
the desired speed of right now, but at least I did not act upon my cranky
thoughts creating irreparable damage or even damage that I would have to make
amends for later.
This is all part of a year of great emotional growth for me. Knowing that I am cranky for stupid trivial
logical yet always valid emotional reasons helped me to not have to act on my
thoughts and feelings leading to a vicious spiral taking me away from the happy
place where I want to live my life. That
is a lot of progress with plenty of room for more growth later.
I am grateful to not have to act on my self-righteous indignation
(insanity), be able to feel my feelings and know that this too shall pass.
Tired and Cranky
I feel tired and cranky right now.
One of the books I have read on meditation discussed the difference
between “I am tired and cranky” vs “I feel tired and cranky”. I know that my mood will change soon. I will no longer be tired after a good night’s
sleep.
Part of changing my mood is pro-actively dealing with others whom I am
have a minor conflict with in my head. In
my family of origin conflict was insanely passive-aggressive. I don’t like conflict nor handle it well. I am much more skillful at handling conflict
than I used to be. I know now that
pretending it will go away on its own is a pipe-dream that leads to my negative
feelings coming out sideways. I will do
my best to address this conflict directly.
I am grateful for knowing that a bad mood is only temporary, being more
skilled at handling conflict and recognizing my feelings for what they are—just
feelings.
Writer’s Block or Sloth?
I don’t feel motivated to write a specific Gratitude blog post right
now. Part of that is I am full from
eating a late dinner and want to go lay down.
Part of that is a sugar high from eating baklava after dinner. Sloth is a factor.
Today I am grateful for the Seahawks having a fantastic season winning
23-0 over the NY Giants today, plenty of yummy food to eat, a warm place to
live, a car that runs well and good friends in recovery.
Humility
On his desk, Dr. Bob
had a plaque defining humility: "Perpetual quietness of heart. It is to have no trouble. It is
never to be fretted or vexed, irritable or sore; to wonder at nothing that is
done to me, to feel nothing done against me.
It is to be at rest when nobody
praises me, and when I am blamed or despised, it is to have a blessed home in
myself where I can go in and shut the door and kneel to my Father in secret and
be at peace, as in a deep sea of calmness, when all around and about is seeming
trouble."
- Dr. Bob and the
Good Oldtimers, p. 222
I have been blessed with the gift of large dose of humility in the past
year. Life is no longer as vexing as it
used to be. The good and bad are both
taken in a more serene stride. While there
is plenty of room for improvement, perfection is not even close to being on my
radar as a goal for me to achieve.
I am grateful for my progress in becoming more humble and continue to
strive for improvement in my acceptance of life on life’s terms while taking right action to the best of my ability.
A Holiday Gathering
Met with Charlie, Margie, Mike, Diana and Lea at the usual Friday
morning Crossroads Mall get-together. We
discussed how our week had gone, holidays, recovery, life in general, and then
read from the last three pages of the 12th step from the 12x12. During our reading, a brass band was tuning
up for Christmas Carols on the stage. We
got to finish reading the 12th step to much fanfare. It was inspiring.
We discussed pride vs. false pride after the reading. We are all grateful to be sober. My feeling is that sobriety can be seen as a
god-given gift, what can be proud of is all of the work that we have done to
available to receive the gift of sobriety.
There was a smattering of consensus on this perception of pride with a
considerable lack of clarity as to what constitutes a healthy pride for
alcoholics, the dependence of self-esteem on our most recent achievement and
how to avoid anxiety.
In the end, we had a nice conversation for more than an hour, declared
it our holiday gathering and gave each other hugs. It felt good.
After that, Lea and I stopped by Eastside Intergroup to get some AA
coins for our homegroup to get newcomers with 1, 2, 3 and 6 months of sobriety. It was good to see Nancy.
I am grateful for my wonderful friends in recovery, proud of Lea’s
achievements in the 9 months since starting methadone and glad that Michelle
can call home while standing next to me (she just activated a Virgin Mobile
cell phone).
Turned Away at the Prison Door
Leslee, Lisa and I went to the Washington State Reformatory in Monroe
tonight to do our monthly corrections AA meeting. Traffic was a tough slog taking an hour to
get there for what is a 30 minute drive on the way home. When we got there, we were cautioned that it
might be a few minutes before we could get into the prison.
After waiting outside the lobby door for five minutes, we were let
inside and again warned that it might be awhile before we got into a meeting or
it might not happen at all. Lisa B,
Leslee and I continued to chat until another guard came by telling us that
there would not be a meeting tonight due to internal issues. They are not forthcoming on what is going on,
but it was just as well we were on the outside as opposed to be confined to a
room during an incident (lockdown?).
We were politely shown the door and headed home. It was a two hour drive with great
conversation in both directions. L. is
having a hard time with serious chronic depression which she has been fighting
for years. I can relate to that and am
thankful for my current reasonably optimistic state of mind.
I am grateful for good friends, wonderful conversation and support from
my fellow trudgers on the road to happy destinies. Now I will get to watch one of my favorite
shows, Elementary, which is Sherlock Holmes
set in the present time in NYC with Dr Watson being played by Lucy Liu. Life is good and we are very blessed.
Happy Birthday to Michelle
For the last nine years, Michelle has spent her 12/12 birthday in
jail. After going back out for 10 days
in the Seattle jungle including a week of freezing cold weather, she came home
tonight. Tomorrow will be her first
birthday in a decade that she is not in jail.
She has mad skillz at hustling to get dope, but no matter, the disease
only gets worse even when things are going “well”. Being of service to others provides me with wonderful
spiritual gifts that greatly enhance my sobriety. I get to be happy for other people, learn to
love without being judgmental and be grateful that it is not me out there.
I am grateful that Michelle is home and sober tonight, that we will get
to celebrate her first birthday in a decade not locked-up and that we will help
her celebrate her birthday tomorrow with a nice home-cooked meal and a cake.
Showing Up
“Woody Allen and
Marshall Brickman co-wrote the Oscar winning screenplay for the 1977 movie
Annie Hall, and they were interviewed together by the journalist Susan Braudy. The following words were spoken by Marshall
Brickman, but he attributed the adage to Woody Allen: I have learned one thing.
As Woody says, ‘Showing up is 80 percent of life.’ Sometimes it’s easier to
hide home in bed. I’ve done both.”
I spend a lot of time in bed to avoid chronic pain. I also go to a 12-step meeting every day,
wrote this blog, meditate, pray and try to be of service to others. There is a choice to be happy for what
success I am having or to be disappointed for the myriad of activities I am not
doing. This year has been the best year
of my life for learning how to be happy and in relationship with others. A huge part of that is letting go of what I
can’t do safely such as interacting with my mother—she is too toxic for me.
I am grateful for the choice to see the glass of life as
half-full today. That is a lot better
than worrying about a half-empty glass running dry.
Preparing for Snow
There is a 40% chance of a light snow tonight. That is way better weather than the vast
majority of the rest of the US. A huge
winter storm has blanketed the country from Arizona to New England. 9000 flights have been canceled or delayed.
The only problem I have with snow tomorrow is trying to help Lea get to
the new Social Security office at 5th & Jefferson in Seattle by
9 AM. The new SS building is quite probably
located at the worst location in Seattle to serve people with
disabilities. There is exactly zero
handicapped parking at the building with the nearest public parking being 2
blocks down the hill.
We went shopping at Fred Meyer in Kirkland today before meeting Sandy
for lunch. We have a ton of groceries
and I got 2 extra firm pillows for my bed.
They seem to be working really well.
It is good to stock up on food before the storm and we filled my car
with gas.
The driveway at my apartment building will let me get out in any kind
of weather. Getting home is a much
dicier proposition since it is among the last roads to clear off after a
snowstorm. I am extremely cautious about
going out so that I don’t get trapped away from home in the freezing cold.
I am grateful for relatively mild winter weather. A trace of snow is a lot better than a
blizzard.
A King Size Bed
I have much in my life to be grateful for. My favorite place to spend time is lying in
my king size bed with a dozen pillows to position my legs in a way that greatly
reduces the chronic pain in my right hip.
I lack motivation to write much now.
I am going to get in bed after I post this Gratitude blog.
I am grateful that there are ways to reduce my chronic pain and for my
king size bed with lots of pillows.
Protection for the Elderly – Especially our Mother
My mother has severe dementia and some money. That makes her a prime target for those that
prey on the weak. She lives at Sunrise
Senior Living of Bellevue next to Crossroad’s Mall. Yesterday I learned that a Sunrise employee
had stolen and forged a $1500 check on my mother’s account this Fall. Sunrise considered that act so heinous, they actually
fired Marlene some time later. My
thinking is that Marlene will simply move on to the next senior care facility
and continue her predatory behavior.
My sister and I agree that Marlene at last needs to be charged with a
crime. Hopefully, she will be convicted
thus getting a record that would preclude her from working with the elderly so
she does not continue to steal from them.
My mother’s bank was supposed to have refunded the $1500 back to her
account. We will not get our next
quarterly report until January. Her
lawyer, Ladd Leavins, never did answer our questions about the $3000 check to
customer service in June. We suspect
that our mother is being preyed upon by those in a position of trust with a
responsibility to help her. My sister
and I sought to get a guardianship for our mother. We were unable to do so. We will continue to defend our mother’s
financial safety to the best of our ability.
Fortunately, there are agencies that can help us do the best we
can. Two of the obvious to contact next
week are the Washington State AG’s Office and the Bellevue Police Department.
I am grateful that my sister is a CPA and skilled advocate for our
mother’s best interests. Otherwise, she
would be plucked clean and turned-out as a ward of the state in short order.
Electric Heat
It has been at or below freezing for the last week. Michelle has been living on the streets since
Sunday. I could not survive in the
cold. After running water, electricity
on demand is the most important public utility in my life. It is nice to have the internet, tv and
computers. Electric heat is vital for
keeping me warm in my apartment.
I am grateful to be warm and dry on these cold winter days and nights
in Seattle. Also glad that we are having
“nice weather” relative to those enduring blizzards, floods and the like.
A Birthday Dinner With Carol
December 9th is Carol’s birthday. We have celebrated her birthday together for
the last 12 years. We have maybe met one
time earlier this year, other than that we have not had much time
together. She got a boyfriend last year
and has spent a lot of time with him.
They like to go dancing several nights a week.
We have gone to El Questzal on Beacon Hill in Seattle for several
years. We went again tonight and the
food was delicious as usual. Carol had
flank steak and I had a sort of beef & hominy soup. I got a skirt steak to go for Lea.
We had a wonderful conversation and I gave her a cute birthday with a
butler on the front holding a large silver serving dish. She pulled the butler’s elbow and the card
showed “Happy Birthday”. It was cute.
Our waiter brought us dessert to split with a candle in it. It was a chocolate cake with whipped cream
and raspberry sauce. He got the other
diners to join us singing happy birthday
to Carol. It was cute and delicious.
I am grateful for my friendship with Carol and the rituals we have such
as El Quetzal for birthdays and holiday meals together.
Cold Sunny Days
The nights will be freezing cold for the next week. The days are sunny and just above freezing. It is a lot less depressing than 100 days of
Seattle mist which is like rain with no measurable precipitation—everything is wet
and everyday is gloomy.
I am grateful for the clear sunny days. That is way better than the monster storms
and blizzards that have hit the rest of the country in the last couple of
weeks.
Back to Swimming or What I Did Not Do on Thanksgiving Weekend
Thanks to sloth and the Thanksgiving holiday schedule at the pool, I
did not swim for a week. It felt great
to get back in the water today. I swam steadily
for over an hour. It felt good then and
feels good now to have both gotten the workout and know that I am doing good
self-care.
The pool can be a strange place.
Today while swimming laps, one lady kept encroaching on where I was
swimming. Finally she asked me to swim
elsewhere because she has a “serious medical condition and needs to do her Tai
Chi.” I explained that while there was
plenty of room on the other side of her, I needed to swim in the deeper end of
the pool so as to not scrape my knees on the bottom (the pool is only 4’6” deep
at the deep end). It turned out she
actually preferred shallower water.
Later on, she complained about my swimming in the pool creating
turbulence. She crowded into where I was
swimming as to bump into me in a not-full pool and had a problem with turbulence? I was baffled as to what to say. I did point out that everybody in the pool
has serious medical issues. I thought
about explaining wave dissipation physics to her in that the energy drops off
with the square of the distance so that being 4 feet away has 1/16 of the
energy compared with being a 1 foot away.
That seemed too snarky.
Attempts to reason with her were met with an obtuse denial. She finally gave up trying to control me and
went to the shallow end of the pool to do the next section of her workout.
There is a nice lady that works the front desk. I talked with her after swimming about what
to say to people that bump into me and then complain about my swimming in a
pool. She suggested I talk with the
manager and let me know he was busy right at that moment. I view the public pool as being gently
competitive. Most people work around
each other and I rarely make contact with others while changing where or how I
swim several times each session. This
lady was the first person in my 6 months at the pool to crowd into me in a
not-full pool and then complain that I was making too much turbulence. One time a therapist let me know she was
working with a 100-year old woman that needed the calmest water possible. The
pool had more people in it then and I had no problem with that.
This is a minor issue in the grand scheme of things. It is important that I learn how to process similar
interactions with others that deliberately crowd my space and try to control my
actions. Discussing my feelings is a
vital part of my recovery. I doubt I can
stop people from complaining. Today’s complainer
was 70 years old. It is not my job to
fix strangers that create problems and then complain about them. It is my job to have healthy boundaries while
being the kindest most nurturing loving Kevin I can be.
Writing my thoughts in my Gratitude blog has really helped me process my
thoughts, feelings and emotions. I don’t
have a ready response for negative people in all situations. I can do like I did today to work things out
with others in a gentle kind assertive fashion while standing up for myself. I am still somewhat baffled by that
interaction, but feel a lot better for writing about it.
I am grateful for a warm pool with a lift for me to swim in, learning
how to process my feelings, and a kind staff with several suggestions for how
to best interact with others that are not always on their best behavior due to
serious medical issues.
Wheelchair Accessible Meetings in District 34
My friend T. is the District 34 Accessibility Committee Chair. She is doing a fantastic job by previously
having started a meeting at an independent assisted living center and now completing
a report on wheelchair accessible meetings in District 34 which includes Mercer
Island, Bellevue and Redmond.
There are 31 meeting places hosting 137 meetings a week in District 34. 88% of those meeting have wheelchair parking
and entrances. Only 11.7% (16 meetings)
can’t be accessed by a non-ambulatory wheelchair user such as myself. Bathrooms are not so accessible at many
meetings. The simple solution for me is
to avoid having to use the bathroom while attending a 60 or 90 minute
meeting. That would not work for
everybody.
T. is a writer by profession.
The quality of her report is beyond outstanding. It is elegant, lucid, easily read and to the
point.
I am grateful and blessed to have friends like T. and for the 121
accessible meetings in District 34.
Carry the Message and not the Alcoholic
Lea and Michelle now both get DSHS money on the first. They said they were going Christmas shopping
when they left this morning to walk to the stores. 10 hours later and they are not home. An obvious explanation that fits the facts is
they relapsed again after having less than $200 put on their EBT card.
That is said on a variety of levels.
They were closing in on two months without a relapse although Lea’s
abuse of take-home methadone is suspect at best. What is worse than a relapse is that they
can’t trust themselves to handle their own money.
I was blessed to have a sister handle my money when I was new to the
program. They don’t have a sibling they
can trust to manage their money.
Michelle is going to Sound Mental Health. I know that they have staff doing payee services
there since they do Dan’s payee services.
Margie suggested talking with them about getting a payee. That
is a good idea.
In the past, I would rescue Lea by answering the phone and giving her a
ride to the methadone clinic after a relapses.
I am not going to do that tomorrow.
The appropriate AA slogan is to carry
the message and not the alcoholic. I
have carried Lea a lot in this year and protected her from many consequences of
her behavior. It might not be time to
stop completely, but I am certainly going to carry her a lot less in the
future.
I am grateful that I am sober, that I have friends in the program to
talk with, and that I was able to be of great service to others. This has been a wonderfu year of personal
growth for me due in large part to getting out of myself by helping others.
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