A Nice Day

Went to a meeting, gave my roommate a ride to her last class of Winter Quarter, went to my monthly doctor’s appointment and took a family friend to lunch this afternoon on a relatively warm last full day of Winter.   That is a lot more activity than most days I have had in the last year.

I am grateful to have got to participate in life enjoying the outside world today.

Here

I am so lacking in motivation that it does not even feel like writer’s block.

I am grateful to have the resources to post on the web and at least let my sister know that I am okay.

Completed Two 12-Step Study Guides This Month

Started a simplified Bible based 12 step study guide in September of 2013 with my roommate.   We finally finished it with many long pauses between writings on March 5^th.  I was not sure we would ever finish it together.

Did the much longer NA Step Study Guides [sic] workbook on my own from 6/14/15 to 3/12/16.  That took the equivalent of handwriting a page every night for six months.   Tried to write every night and did reasonably well.   Now I am going over what I wrote with my NA sponsor Bill.

I am grateful to have had the motivation and ability to do these workbooks.  It greatly helped my relationship with my roommate doing the Bible based version.   Doing the NA workbook made my life and all my relationships better.

Three Years on Methadone

My roommate started starting methadone on March 12, 2013.    She has was a homeless drug addict with a 24x7 addiction doing crimes to pay for her drugs.  Now she is getting good grades  and almost done with her second quarter of college.

I was never a fan of the methadone treatment.   Seemed like it was just switching dealers to me.   That is still true to some extent.  The harm reduction done by getting out of the criminal world and lives of addicts is huge.  It is vastly less expensive to give her methadone than frequent trips to jails and ERs.   Plus, she is on her way towards again being a productive member of society.

It takes a miracle for addicts to get and stay clean.   Nobody I know can predict who will and won’t make it.  We have to want it and be willing to do the frequently painful work of healing our horribly damaged psyches so that we no longer need to self-medicate our way through our lives. 

That miracle has happened for my roommate.   I am very happy for her and proud of all she has done to make herself a better person with a much better life.

I am grateful for the miracle of recovery and for all those that have done the work to get it.

Become A Grateful Poet

The following is from the 3/11/16 daily email sent out by Brian Johnson.

“When it comes to finding reasons to be grateful—I think of them as avenues of appreciation—it helps to follow a practice I call the POET approach, which stands for People, Opportunities, Experiences, and Things. I put People first because taking note of their greatness in your life feeds your confidence in others. I put Things last because they cause us to focus on material items that can either be in short supply or be taken away entirely.”

—Tim Sanders from Today We Are Rich

             

Gratitude.  We talk about this all the time.  It’s a huge part of being rich and I just love Tim’s POET approach.  Let’s take a quick inventory now:   (Filled in with my answers—Kevin)

P: I am grateful for these amazing People:

Carol—saw her today for the for the first time in 1.3 years

            Mark H—called for the first time in a year earlier this week

O: I am grateful for these Opportunities:

Be sober with 12-step support

Have a higher power that is not me

Live indoors with hot & cold running water

Plenty of food

E: I am grateful for these Experiences:

            Going to college at UC Santa Barbara

            Learning to SCUBA dive

            Having traveled when I was younger

T: I am grateful for these Things:

            Car

            Apartment

            Alano Club

            Crossroads Mall

            Internet, PC, cell phone, all other IC technology

Here’s to becoming grateful POETs!!!

           

Bernie — My First Presidential Campaign Contribution

In my early voting days, I voted for no-chance independents such as John Anderson in 1980 and Lenora Fulani in 1988.  I never donated money to a campaign. 

In business, when only two firms compete that is a duopoly which is—maybe—only half as bad as a monopoly.  In the US, the two-party duopoly is the standard and has been the standard since Millard Fillmore was sworn-in as the Whig party candidate 1850.  Not much chance of that changing anytime soon.

Tonight I made my first ever Presidential campaign contribution to Bernie Sanders.  It turns out that Bernie is getting more contributions per person from Washington State than anywhere else in the country (not the same as the most money) and while checking the Seattle Times website to link to it, I just discovered they endorsed Bernie for President, the first major American newspaper to do so.

Faithful readers will know that my unbounded cynicism keeps me from believing much of what politicians say nor following it closely.    I at least read a lot of headlines.   Bernie comes closest to saying what I am thinking and wish would happen.

I am grateful to have Bernie as a candidate of, by and for the people.  Feel the Bern!

Family Affairs

My mother has severe dementia due undoubtedly (but not medically proven cuz if it was things would be different) to Alzheimer’s.    Her Morgan-Stanley broker got an expensive downtown lawyer to serve as her attorney while the broker churns her account.  5 years ago, my sister and I tried to get the King County family court to appoint a guardian ad litem.   The lawyer, Ladd Leavins, blocked that action saying he would manage her affairs and promised to provide quarterly statements of our mother’s financial records.   We got the last quarterly records 7 months ago and no response when asked for current records this month.

My sister emailed the judge today requesting him to enforce the decree promising quarterly copies of our mother’s financial records.  My mother is too toxic for me to deal with, but I sure don’t want some sleazy broker churning his way through the rest of her account unsupervised.

I am grateful for my sister’s diligence and financial acumen in protecting our mother’s estate.  The facility she lives in cooperates extremely well with the lawyer and broker—and would through her out in a heartbeat if she could not longer afford their expensive care.  

Active Maintenance Of My Car

When I was young, I drove my first 5 cars into the ground with abusive driving and lack of maintenance.   Then I got my first new car and have kept them in good repair for the last 35 years.

My current car is 20 years old with 80,000 miles on it.   I could afford a newer car, but this one has a 2-door body style that works really well for me and my wheelchair.   It is in near perfect working order.   The check engine light came on last week.   I knew the oil and water was okay thanks for having gauges.   I got it over to the shop this week and learned that it was a vacuum leak.  It still ran okay so it was no big deal, but I had them keep the car overnight so they could fix it today.   I really appreciate how they give me a ride back-n-forth to the shop so I don’t have to wait or arrange a ride.

I love my auto mechanic and his staff.   They are over in the Bel-Red auto repair neighborhood that is about to be hit by the biggest wave of gentrification to hit Bellevue since Microsoft came to town.   There are two multi-billion dollar developments underway in preparation for light rail coming through Bellevue to Redmond.  One project centers on 124^th near the Safeway & Coca-cola plants.   The other is east of 148^th by the old Group Health hospital.  

My auto repair guy is soon to be priced out of the market.   I will miss him tremendously.   It is my second oldest trade relationship in my life since I have been going to the same shop for 16 years—although it was previously under a different owner.

I am extremely grateful for a good close mechanic that gives me great service.   Thanks Ali.

Healthy Boundaries

For several reasons, I greatly cut back on going to my usual morning meeting at a first-step hall where members rarely have double-digit sobriety.  Part of the problem was some predatory behavior by guys with years of recovery going after fragile women with months of sobriety.   Talked it over with those with decades of recovery.  My interpretation of their seemingly blasé response was to do nothing or possibly mention to the club manager.

This morning took the cake.   The woman secretarying the meeting went into the office and was immediately tracked down by guy I strongly believe to engage in predatory behavior—which is the ONE RULE posted on the bulletin board at the meeting hall to not do.   PERIOD.   Right after that, another guy went over to another woman that had acknowledged being able to barely make it to the meeting and walked her out of the meeting.   I have a cast-iron stomach that is never nauseous.   I almost threw up after seeing that shit.   I could not not-say nothing.   Shouting ensued after I called out the first predator for clearly unacceptable behavior.  I told him to F-off.   He tried to get me kicked off the club property by “bum-rushing” the manager (his words) about my calling him out.  That was not going to happen.

I really dislike conflict.   Predatory behavior on woman in early recovery might not be a crime, but it is the moral equivalent of negligient homicide or manslaughter.   Alcoholism and drug addiction is a fatal progressive disease.   To drink is to do.

I am still shaky over the experience 11 hours later.   I will do as the manager suggested and bring it up at the business meeting the day after tomorrow.   It is best for me to fight for a healthy meeting that at a time and place that works for me than run around trying to find an easier softer way somewhere else.   If I lose the fight, I can always move on.   Everybody should be safe at 12-step meetings.

I am grateful that I said something.   I would feel much worse to have said nothing while women are literally being chased out of recovery by predators.

Post-t Notes

Got an upset tummy and some writer’s block.   Looking around the cluttered desk in front of me, I spy 3 stacks of Post-it notes.   Obviously I like them a lot.

I am grateful for Post-it notes and their many generic knock-offs.

Progress

After a brutal 4 days at home with my own best thinking, I made it out to 2.5 meetings, shopping and lunch today.

I am grateful for a good day today.

Almost 57

Tomorrow is my 57^th birthday.   My roommate and I are going for a drive to my childhood home and for a walk in a park somewhere.   Tonight we are making a German Chocolate cake.   My sister sent me an Amazon gift card—which is an easy and practical way to do gifting from the far side of the world.

I am grateful to be older and wiser.

A Sick Day

Felt like the world’s mildest case of the flue today with a headache, slightly queasy tummy and vague body-ache.   Stayed home, did not eat all day until a sausage sandwich for dinner.  Feel better now with a rare small headache.

I am grateful for feeling only slightly bad, for being able to stay home and for getting better in the course of a day.

Finding A Purpose

The last 14 months have been a holding pattern while dealing with nagging health care concerns.  That sucked.  Now I am gearing up towards the next chapter in my life as I get to be more active, helping my roommate transition into living elsewhere, changing my environment and my daily activities.

I am grateful for an eager sense of optimism as I start on the next chapter in my life.

The End Of Meteorological Winter—AKA Leap Day 2016

The coldest wettest part of winter is finally over in Western Washington.  Now we can have spring showers.   Tomorrow is predicted to have 0.7 inches of rain.  That will be one of the wettest days for the next 9 months.  The 10-day forecast is for 10 more days of rain.   Fortunately it will be warmer with longer hours of daylight finally breaking into 12 hours of daylight yesterday.

I am grateful for more daylight and warmer days.  It also means even less of that dreary Seattle mist.

My Friend Mike

I talk with my friend Michael several times a week by phone and in person once or twice a week.  Mostly I am just calling him to practice checking in and ensuring at least one conversation with another person having long-term recovery every day. 

I am extremely grateful for my friend Mike.

The Neighbor Kids—Then and Now

Went to Beneroya Hall last night to watch (part of) the Seattle Symphony back a Led Zeppelin cover band.  By the time I bought the last wheelchair accessible seat/ticket, it ended up being in the very last row.  The acoustics were great, but it was a too far away to see facial expressions. 

Led Zeppelin was together for 12.  The cover band had been together for 20 years.  They spent more time playing Led Zeppelin music than Led Zeppelin did.  With the symphony backing, LZ’s heavy metal sounded much more melodic stories of the hero’s journey.   It was a surprisingly good combination and we really enjoyed it.  I wished they had played louder—something I can’t ever remember wanting before at a rock concert.

I was going to go see Led Zeppelin with Kevin Warren almost 40 years ago.   He was the nearest neighbor kid my age and lived a mile away.   He bought the tickets and then screwed me over by saying someone stole them out of his home then taking and kid to the concert with my ticket.  Fast forward 20 years and it seems most likely that he died an alcoholic death in an unmarked grave in Arizona at about 40 years old.

I felt good about having finally seen Led Zeppelin 40 years later…and sad about Kevin.

My roommate  and I met son at a meeting tonight.   He is a Washington State Department of Corrections Work Release facility in downtown Seattle.  He came with two other guys from the WR place.   One of them was a nearby neighbor from his childhood.  In other words, they are both convicted felons doing time together.  They grew up in a small town 45 NNE of Seattle notorious for teen substance abuse problems in a way that did not exist back in my day.  We had alcohol and pot.   They had heroin, meth, opiate pills, plus alcohol and pot.

I felt sad when we left the meeting after chatting with him and his cohorts.  They are convicted felons due to stupid crimes they did to feed their insatiable drug habits.   That will affect the rest of their lives even if they never get caught again.   I hope that they stay sober and get on with living a better life than the one the lead them to prison.

I am grateful I finally got to see Zeppelin after getting ripped-off by a friend instead of meeting a childhood friend while incarcerated as a convicted felon.

Time For A New Apartment Lease

I have lived in the same apartment for the last 13 years.  My lease expires at the end of April and I got my dunning notice for next year’s rates.  My rent is going up by by 6%.  That is not bad for a hot housing market.  The rent increase would have been much more except for non-stop construction since last summer on new siding, deck railings and such.   The work is still not done and soon it will be time to paint.   I am sure that has lead to many moving out who would have otherwise stayed.

After 13 years, my low-quality rental carpet is trashed and the place needs to be painted.   My roommate is going to move out by July.   After that, I will move things around to get the placed tuned up one room at a time.   I really like the location and flat level parking lot close to my front door.  I may get parquet flooring and enhance my bathroom shower stall to make it more accessible for me.

I am grateful to be able to afford to live in a reasonably nice place in a great location with no crime that affects me in our complex.

Don’t Know

I used to have to have answers right now to communication problems that bothered me and did not do well with ambiguity.   Now I still don’t like ambiguity and poor communication, but I can deal with it better than how it used to be.

Striving to be mindful is a big help.  Prayer and meditation are also powerful tools that I did not used to have.

I am grateful to be much more okay with “don’t know” than how it used to be.

Being Of Service To Others

Gave two people a ride to my noon meeting today for their first time there.   One lady had six weeks and the other guy has 2+ years.  When we got there early, a gay man we all knew told us how he was about to go through a “de-gayification” treatment at the behest of his fellow church members.  We all staunchly advocated against that with love and kindness.   He decided to not go through with that painful humiliating sham.

Enjoyed the meeting, gave three people a ride from the meeting to their next stop and then met with our Tuesday gang at the mall.

I am grateful to have been of service to others today.   It got me out of myself. 

Living In The Seattle Metro Area

For a 2^nd tier major metro area in the US, Seattle seems to has excessive traffic problems, plenty of homelessness and a police force overseen by the US DoJ due to minority abuse.   The good news is that there are plenty of jobs, clean water and hope for improvement in the future.

Today’s post is not so much on how great Seattle is but on how badly people in other state’s treat their own people.  Flint, Michagan’s water supply contains lead in brain disabling doses due to choices made by local politicians who then act surprised when this becomes a problem.

In Washington State, we have some problems with state institutions housing criminals and the mentally ill.  The prison problem is the inevitable result of 40 years of the war on drugs in America with the prison problems.  It could be worse—much, much worse.  

Compared with other social problems in America and around the world, I am grateful for our regional problems that we make better.   That is a lot better than being a pawn like Syria in a second generation cold war married to religious conflict and corruption.

Mad Homework Skillz

Helped my roommate do a 25-question homework assignment on HIV/AIDS.   She was really struggling with her methodology.   She would handwrite every question and every answer while working from the [seemingly wrong] handout.   First I showed her how to highlight the question and right-click to Google the answer.   Then I got her to stop using the an old version of the handout and use the handout from her classes online website.

She was flummoxed, frustrated and overwhelmed by the assignment due in large part to an extremely labor intensive method due to a lack of skills with Word, Google and homework.

I tend to discount knowledge that I have due to a known fallacy of assuming people know what I know.   As reminded of while helping my roommate, I have excellent Google/copy/paste skills.   15 years ago as a MS Windows support tech, the best skill I had was being able to accurately setup a Google search.  If I could have only one web URL to use, that URL would be Google—to get to all others.

I am grateful for my reading, writing, computer and web literacy.   Those skills make my life incalculably better.

Record Rain

With ten days to go, the Seattle area has had record rainfall for meteorological winter for the months of December through February with just under 23 inches of rain.   With 10 mostly dry days in the forecast, that has broken the old record set in 1999 by a few hundredths of an inch.  

The rain mostly came in intermittent storms with a break in-between the storms or a lowering of the freezing level that kept snow in the mountains for a few days.   There was little or no snow in the lowlands and no extreme flooding or landslides.   The snow pack depth is at 102% of normal.  A bonus was seemingly less than usual of the Seattle mist that does not put down precipitation but makes it dark, gray and wet outside for days and weeks at a time.

I am grateful for lots of rain with a relatively mild rate of natural disaster action.  That is fantastically better than the extremes of drought or heavy flooding.

More Will Be Revealed

So I was baffled by a near-horrified response from our mall buddies yesterday.   Talked with two of them today.  It seems a couple thought I was stuck in the past and still going on about no more BS and being abusive.  Another did not think much of it.   Turns out I had badly mis-communicated timelines since I was talking about going forward and not looking back to rehash the past.

In the distant past, this sort of thing would be grounds to giving up on even important relationships.   Now it is an opportunity to be patient, wait a day and then check back to see what happened.   That is a lot healthier behavior.

I am grateful to my improving emotional and social IQ/maturity.  It is definitely coming slowly and late to my life, but that is fantastically better than never.

I Was Horribly Wrong

My roommate Lea made a wonderful heartfelt admission of love to me today.   I thanked her for that and then added I needed to “cut the bullshit” in the future.   Judging by her bolting in tears and the chastisements from others, I was wrong to do that.  I certainly hurt her feelings in a way that was not intended.   I also had a sense that this was at least somewhat staged, manipulative and mostly true.

Relationships and emotions are confusing for me.   Today I was totally baffled on several counts.

The good news is that I made amends to the best of my ability and we had a decent afternoon together.

I am grateful for the love, support, advice, guidance and feedback that I get from others that I trust and care for.