Superbowl 50

Normally the NFL numbers the Superbowl’s in Roman numberals.   Apparently “Superbowl L” was not nearly as cool as 50. Understandably so.

For Denver Bronco fans and aficionados, it was a great game.  For casual fans that like back-n-forth scores and thrilling finishes like me, it was a somewhat boring game.

Peyton Manning was one of the greatest quarterbacks ever with the most ever passing yardage and touchdown passes.  At 40 years old, he was a caretaker on offence with the league’s best defense shutting down the Carolina Panthers and their MVP quarterback Cam Newton.

The NFL is very profitable thanks in large part to massive public subsidies to their billion dollar stadiums that host, at most, a dozen games a year.  I like watching football.   I would feel a lot better about funding education, healthcare and housing for all our people instead of stadiums for billionaires.

I am grateful for the enjoyment people get out of watching NFL games.

A SAD Light

The down side to long summer days at latitude 47 is long winter days.  In December we got down to just over 8 hours of daylight.  Combining shorts days with our all too often overcast skies leads to Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) causing people to feel a sense of depression they would not otherwise have.

I had thought about getting some grow lights for indoor plants.  The downside of that would be potheads trying to break in to steal non-existent marijuana plants.  I went from having 40 plants on the deck last summer to one last lemon cypress tree which is like a miniature cedar tree due to my deck being off limits for the last 6 months, no plant lights, plant killing cats, and little effort on my part.

While restocking on kitty food, litter and a bale of toilet paper at Costco today, I got their version of an impulse buy stacked by the front door—a 7500 lumen Verilux happylight.  It has been on since I got home.  I feel better.  Does the SAD light work?  I can’t tell the difference between the placebo effect and real therapy.  The practical strategy is to feel better and tell myself it is working.

I am grateful for my SAD light.  Should have got another SAD light 4ish years ago after the last one died.  Progress, not perfection!

No Topic

Have some sort of writer’s block in finding a topic that lights my fire to write.

I am grateful to be writing even if it is quite possibly for the sake of a foolish consistency.  I doubt that.  I am sure that writing every night is good for me—no matter what I write.

Meeting With Bill

I am working my way through the NA step study guide by handwriting a page of answers nearly every night before I post here.  It usually takes 2-3 answers to questions to make a page.  I read and discuss my responses with Bill from NA.  We met most Thursday since July.  In the middle of December, life, health issues and the holidays took its toll and we had not meet for seven weeks until today.

It was good to see him, talk with him, catch up on what is going on in our lives and then discuss 4^th step issues.   We meet at Crossroads Mall since moving indoors for the winter.  Cut our meeting slightly short today due to a sudden surge in muzak volume throughout the mall.

Bill is a native Seattlite a few years older than me.  We get along well and enjoy discussing life and recovery together.

I am grateful to be sober in recovery and for having guys like Bill to help me achieve a better perspective on my life.

Online Banking

I get two pension checks deposited to my bank account every month.  They are ALWAYS ontime or early if payday is a weekend.   I love online banking when it comes to paying bills and monitoring account activity.  I definitely check my online banking more than I would if I had to deal with it in person or by phone—perhaps even slightly OCD about doing that.

I am blessed to have a checking account at the bank of my choice conveniently located less than 10 minutes away in 3 different directions.   It would suck to be poor, not have a regular bank account and get charged somewhere between 3 and 20% of each check to cash them like how it is for some huge fraction of people in the US and around the world.

I am grateful for online banking and electronic fund transfers.   It decreased my stamp usage like how the advent of cars cut down on the use of horses for transportation.

Serenity

Had a dental appointment mixup today due to the reminder call saying “1:30” when it was at 9:30.   Got to the dental office and got turned away for being there at the wrong time.

Was completely okay with the mixup.  My reaction then and now was a surprisely pleasant and serene response.  Am now scheduled for Thursday morning and again for a cleaning in early March.

I am grateful for the blissed-out serenity I got from swimming two days in a row.

The 2016 Iowa Caucus for Presidential Candidates

Bernie and Hillary are in a tie.  Cruz leads with 28% over Trump (24%) and Rubio (23%).    

In the past, I voted for fringe Presidential candidates as a way of making a statement and knowing my vote would not make tiniest iota of a difference for the mainstream candidates.

I am grateful to have Bernie Sanders running as a people’s candidate instead of a front man (or woman) for Wall Street or the far right-wing nut jobs.

Meteorological Winter

Astronomical winter runs from the Winter solstice in around December 20^th to the Spring equinox in late March.   Meteorological winter (MW) is December through February referring to the coldest time of the year in the northern hemisphere.   I have heard the term MW before, but this winter it has stuck in my mind.

It has been a mild winter for us with barely a trace of snow in the lowlands and only a few freezing nights with the coldest weather staying just a few degrees below freezing at night and warming up over freezing during the day.   There has been a good deal of that “Seattle mist” where it is wet and gloomy like rain with hardly any measurable precipitation.   That is the stuff that gave Seattle its reputation for being rainy.   According to this currentresults.com page Seattle has the 6^th most days of rain and the 32^nd most rain of 51 of the largest cities in the US.

Based on my anecdotal observations, global warming is changing that with many fewer days of Seattle mist.

I am grateful for more sunshine, another hour of daylight in January and meteorological spring only a month away.

29 Years vs Kicked Out

My sponsor and his wife celebrated 29 years of sobriety this month.   We went out to dinner at Azteca to celebrate with a group of fellow trudgers.   It was nice.

A young woman we know was homeless for months until she knocked on our door 16 days ago at 10 PM asking for help.   I don’t know if she was high or her brain was fried, she told an incoherent story with a lack of time continuity much like how a family member with schizophrenia talks.

She promised to work hard on her recovery and stay clean.   She had not seen her toddle since CPS took him two months ago.   She saw him twice in the last 8 days.   She left last night to “go to a meeting”, came home in the wee hours and left a note that she was going for a walk and we have not seen her in 30 hours.   I just kicked her out by text since she is not here and does not answer the phone I setup for her.

My roommate left her eleven year old son for a life of active addiction.   He is 25 and in prison for the first time.  The young woman gave up her year old son for a life of addiction.   This is going to negatively impact people for generations to come.  A sad and tragic situation.

I am grateful for my long-term sober friends and to not be stuck in the still using homeless lifestyle.

A Blah Day

Had a blah day today getting very little done beyond some vital work on my wheelchair and reading my Kindle.

I am grateful for blah days that are not so bad.

Liquid Nitrogen

Went to a dermatologist this morning for a few weird growths on my skin.   There was a couple of moles, warts and one pre-cancerous thing on my forehead.   They all got the same frozen treatment of being sprayed with liquid nitrogen to freeze them off or at least make them a lot smaller.

It was a fun visit to the doctor.   She was cute, smart and had a bedside manner.   Plus she examined, diagnosed and treated 5 questionable skin issues in under 20 minutes.  If only other medical professionals such as psychiatrists or neurosurgeons could do the same!  Medicine would be cheaper and vastly better.

I am grateful to Dr Gardner and her can of fixit spray.  There are now five less things to worry about in my world.

Solar Electricity

My friends have put solar-electric generating panels on the roof of their house.   On the open market, that would cost about $25,000.   Thanks to subsidies, it will cost about $10,000 and payout in 10 years.   They did it more for the geopolitical statements about global warming and not fighting wars for oil propping up corrupt regimes than the possible 10 year savings on breaking even financially.

I am grateful for the rapid expansion of solar power throughout the world.   It will provide increasingly less expensive power throughout the world freeing all of us from the tyranny of corrupt petro-governments such as the Soviet Union err Russia and Saudi Arabia.

Consistently Writing Here

Doing things that are good for me on a regular basis has never been my forte. I am pleasantly surprised and pleased by how consistently I have been writing on my NA step study workbook followed immediately by my writing here.  My self-talk is much more positive and less negative as a direct result of this.  

Experience has proven that just because things are good for me does not mean I am willing to do them.   Avoiding pain is a motivator, but still not enough to get me to do this.   My desire to be happy and healthy needs to be fostered with faith and trust so that I am better able to take right action in my life.

I am grateful to be writing about gratitude on a consistent basis.   It brings a sense of wellness to my body, mind and soul.

Compassion and Empathy for Myself and Others

I am working my way through the NA Step Study Guides [sic] workbook writing a page of cursive every night before writing this blog post.   Now I am on the 9^th step where it was discussing compassion and empathy.   I have always felt for people in bad situations.   Since I was already emotionally shut-down, my sense of compassion and empathy for others was limited.  Part of me was afraid of making their problems my problems as if they were contagious diseases.

Today I am much better able to have compassion and empathy for others while having at least semi-healthy boundaries to recognize that their problems are not my problems.

I am grateful for my increased compassion and empathy for others while being less shut-down than how it used to be.   It makes me feel that much more a part of the human condition instead of being terminally unique and filled with self-pity.

A Variety of 12-Step Programs

After massive growth in the last year, it was time for me to start going to Overeaters Anonymous (OA) meetings.   Went to my first meeting this morning.   Listened to an extremely eloquent woman talk about having eating issues since childhood.   It was a tour de force 15 minute spiel.   Turns out that they started out with a mini-speaker meeting.

After that, I went to some AA for almost an hour and then went to NA for 75 minutes.  It was all packed together in a ridiculously convenient 3 hours at a place five minutes from home at the Belllevue Alano (both “a-lan-o” and “al-a-no” are used, I prefer the former) Club.   That was a great way to start my week.   I will continue to do that in the future.

I am grateful to live in a community and region with strong participation in 12-step programs.   A meeting isn’t any good when I am sitting there by myself.

Elasticity

I wear compression (support) socks to mitigate swelling in my lower legs while sitting in my wheelchair.   They are made out of a high quality elastic material.   A quick Google shows that they are made out of a higher ratio of Lycra and spandex than other socks.

After recent swim sessions dating back to last Fall, I had a problem with swelling in my lower left thigh.   Elavating my leg did not make it go away.   A trip to the ER and ultrasoud did not find any new blood clots or other damage.   The treatment was to wear a thigh high support sock on my left leg at night.

My regular MD evaluated my feet yesterday with the help of a diabetes specialist.   For most people, they would check for neuropathy (nerve problems) by sticking me with a needle.   Since that would not work, we did a visual inspection.   All things considered, my feet are in reasonably good shape with no open wounds.  In the 10ish years I have seen my doctor Lucy, this was the second time in memory that she gave me an exam.  It was discombobulating and I was babbling about bs.

I am grateful for elasticity.   It is an amazingly complex process at the atomic level.  One of my worst class comprehensions was ME 180 (materials) in college.   I did not get it. Wikipedia

Signs of Spring

Daylight is an hour longer than it was a month ago with 9 hours and 7 minutes today.  In two months there will be more than 12 hours of daylight.   Going out to my car this morning, I had a strong sensation of moving out of December’s darkness as early trees are preparing to start budding.

It has been record warm winter so far on the East coast.   That has come to an abrupt halt as “snowmageddon” has started from the Carolinas to Massachusetts.  It is predicted to be among the top 3 snowstorms in recorded history for the them affecting 85 million people.   That is a big snowstorm.

When I was first paralyzed 35 years ago, I vividly remember seeing a picture of a guy in a wheelchair in Boston shoveling out 18 inches of snow to get to his car and thinking “I am never moving to Boston”.  Never wanted to live in the northeast after that.

I am grateful for longer days and no snow.

Swam Twice This Week

I burned my ankle 53 weeks ago.  The day before that, I bought a 3-month unlimited pass planning on swimming every day.   I swam 4x in the last year.  My weight went up and my strength went down commensurate with that level of not-exercise. 

Tonight for the first time in over a year, I swam twice in a week.  Got in an argument with my roommate before I left and this weird lady kept splashing me with her 3-toddlers in a not-so-crowded pool.   That was annoying and I had a great swim.

I am extremelygrateful for a 90° pool with a lift that is conveniently located two miles away.

Glad It is Not Me

I have to six funerals in my life.  Two for my brother and sister when I was a teenage that were especially traumatic and intense in their loss.  My dad’s closest cousin, Berkeley Johnson.   Friends were Mark Adams, Lemeal J. and Jeanie Turner.

A friend who has tried recovery several times and is doing really good this time with the most sobriety he ever had—4 months—has had five family members and close friends die in the last two months.  His teenage daughter died yesterday.  Brutal.   I am sorry for his losses and glad that he is staying sober.

Another friend had 18 months and went back out.   She is homeless, struggling and defiant.   That is a scary painful place to be.   Having proved several times beyond a shadow of a doubt that her way does not work, she is going to give it another try.   It is the recovery equivalent of watching somebody beat their bloody head against a brick wall while chanting over and over again “I don’t need a door, I can do this myself”.

I certainly need to work on my issues, but they are way less painful and intense than what many others are having to deal with.

I am grateful for the chronic nature of my problems and lack of visceral intense pain in my life today.  My crap sucks, but it is the same old crap and I know how to deal with it…just keep working on it.

Martin Luther King Day

Today is MLK day.   Lea, Danica and I went to a meeting and then lunch with Sandy.   It was a nice way to spend MLK day with friends.

I am grateful for civil rights leaders such as MLK and for the fact that we get to have them in our society.  Sucks that we need them, great that we can have that sort of free speech.    Kudos to Arizona and South Carolina for getting on the MLK holiday bandwagon …eventually.

Pot Roast

My mother was a terrible cook.   We butchered our own farm raised steers.   Dinners were nutritious, but never delicious.   My grandmother lived in her house several hundred yards across the field.   She was a great farm cook and liked to use a woodstove even though she had a moderm electric oven and stove-top range.

Perhaps my favorite meal cooked by grandma was potroast.   She would cook it in an electric skillet so that the roast was dark brown, tender and delicious.   I got a chuck roast from Whole Foods yesterday after a nice talk with the head of the meat department about various issues.   I put the roast in a crock pot for hours and then pan fried it on low heat until dark brown.   It was just the way I like it.   Apparently so did my roommates judging by how quick it disappeared.

I am so incredibly grateful for having had my grandmother in my life.   She was a bastion of sanity in a dysfunctional world.  It was a joy to eat lunch with her and my brother Bryce while working on the farm as an adolescent.   He got her to tell great stories about our relatives that I never knew.

Republic Wireless

My buying habits are bizarre.   I will waste all my money on drugs while using.  While clean, I tend to be a parsimonious purchaser.  I don’t have cable TV due in great part for feeling like it is a grossly overpriced, and hating the idea of having to deal with Comcast customer service.

I held off on getting a smart phone for 5 years after the first iPhone came out.   I felt no compulsion to spend $100/month for internet access on a tiny screen when I had much faster access at home on large monitors.

I finally got an Android Moto Defy smart phone 3 years ago.  It worked on Sprint’s 3G cell network via the Republic Wireless wifi-hybrid rebiller system.   Two years ago, I upgraded to Moto X 2^nd generation phone on 4G.  It was a larger screen and faster internet connection.   I still don’t use much data.  My 4G phone plan with little usage is about $17/month.   That is the best deal I know of in the US and it works great for me.  I am limited to a few specific phones.   Having a ginormous phone (phablet) seems attractive at times but I also know that I don’t want to carry around such a large device.

Anyhoo, I setup my old Defy XT for Danica tonight.   Compared with a Best Buy phone buying experience 3 years ago, this was a treat to be able to do it online.  Admittedly the Defy XT is not working yet.  I think she has to go outside the apartment to get a better cell connection on the Sprint Network.

I am grateful for the commodifaction of Smart phone cell service.   It has been a blazingly fast revolution since that first iPhone in June of 2007.

A Knock On The Door

Two years ago, Lea and I met Danica at a meeting and became friends with.  Lea is the godmother of Danica’s young son.   We had not seen Danica in a year.   Last night she unexpectedly knocked on our door at 10 PM.   We were delighted to see her after no contact for a year.

She had relapsed, lost her son to CPS and was homeless.   That is what addicts usually do when they drop off the radar.   It was not a surprise.

She is going to stay with us until she leaves, whenever that might be.  I need help with getting around, Lea needs help with cleaning and Danica needs help with life.   This should work out well for all of us.  She is a sweet young woman and we missed her.

As a guy in a wheelchair, I don’t get a chance to go make “12-step calls” to homes of alcoholics wanting to get sober.   It was a joy to have the chance to make one in my own home.   Danica was the person I would have most wanted to do a 12-step call with.

Using synthetic marijuana aka “spice”, methamphetamine, heroin, marijuana and losing her son did not make Danica a brighter smarter happier person.   That is to be expected.   It took almost three hours to buy some pants, shirts and shoes at the Goodwill today.   It was sad to watch a woman that did not  like to shop spend 30 minutes looking at a row of tank-tops over and over again in an OCD sort of way.  That was after discussions about a quick trip.

I am grateful Danica came by and look forward to helping her get her life back together and having her help us make our lives better.

Our Local Economy

The Washington State economy is the fastest growing in the US according to Business Insider “Washington state scored extremely well on most of our metrics. Its Q2 2015 annualized GDP growth rate was a stunning 8.0%, by far the highest among the states and DC. The November 2015 average weekly wage of$1,073 was the second highest in the country, and was 5.6% higher than the weekly wage in November 2014, the third highest wage growth rate.”

There are many voices of Cassandra predicting doom and gloom especially in an Presidential election year.   The reality is that we are still the richest country in the history of the world and getting richer.   Unfortunately income inequality is leaving many people behind while insanely greedy others fight to increase their share of already incomprehensible wealth preying on racial, religious and medical FUD.

I am grateful for a growing economy that provides opportunities for all.

Many Things

According to https://www.givingwhatwecan.org, my income makes me among the richest 0.7% of the world.  With a million millionaires in China, that can’t begin to be right.   Wherever I am in the rank world per capita income, I know it is way up on the well-to-do side.  I believe something more like in the 80^th to 80^th percentile of the world or below average in Bellevue!

I have a hard time with depression and negative thinking.   I can’t imagine how tough life is when even getting clean water is a near impossible task much less acquiring food, fuel and shelter.   I am not nearly as tough as I would like to be.

I am grateful for all the material resources in my life including unlimited hot & cold water, food, a nice shelter, fuel/energy, and as important as anything—friends that love and care for me.