Numerology is my favorite word to misuse by a landslide. Aside from math being the language of science, the infinite beauty of irrational numbers such as pi and the golden number phi (1.618…), numbers have no divine mysticism in their own right. I don’t have a “lucky” number.
Today’s numerology (2/28/13) is a thing of joy, pride and gratitude. Every day for two months, I have been writing my gratitude blog, reading a daily affirmation, meditating and going to a meeting per my New Year’s resolution. I also have a 102 days of continuous sobriety.
There is a fair-sized (surprisingly large?) disconnect between doing the work and getting the results I want. It is rewarding to see the strong correlation between doing the work and getting the results I want in my recovery.
I am grateful for my 102 days of sobriety and for working my NYR for at least the first two months of 2013. There is divine power in those numbers.
Letting Go of Self-Will Run Riot
I was raised to live a life based on self-will while lacking a valid value paradigm. I ended up doing things my way no matter how self-destructive or futile my way turned-out. There was a distinct lack of intimacy in all my relations with family, friends and others.
Today I am working on turning over my self-will to a higher power. That means I can work on being the best person I can be by using good process, instead of worrying about the results while using a chaotic process that produces erratic results.
I still have way too much self-will in my life. It is progress not perfection that I am working towards. It is a lot better than how it used to be.
I am grateful for my increase in spirituality along with the concurrent reduction in my self-will run riot.
Today I am working on turning over my self-will to a higher power. That means I can work on being the best person I can be by using good process, instead of worrying about the results while using a chaotic process that produces erratic results.
I still have way too much self-will in my life. It is progress not perfection that I am working towards. It is a lot better than how it used to be.
I am grateful for my increase in spirituality along with the concurrent reduction in my self-will run riot.
More Daylight, Less Darkness
In the Seattle area, days are getting longer at a rate of 3 minutes and 25 (± 2 seconds) for the next 5 weeks. Today, February 26th, will have 10h 55m 20s of daylight.
It is much nicer to wake up to daylight instead of 16 hours/day of darkness.
I am grateful for the return of the sun. Nature is coming back to life with buds on the trees, grass getting a little greener, and leaves on the shrubs are looking more robust.
It is much nicer to wake up to daylight instead of 16 hours/day of darkness.
I am grateful for the return of the sun. Nature is coming back to life with buds on the trees, grass getting a little greener, and leaves on the shrubs are looking more robust.
Public Health Dentistry
Took Lea to the HealthPoint dental clinic in Redmond this morning. She completed the paperwork and was done with the dentist in less than an hour. She has to get 25 teeth or their remnants pulled and get dentures. They will have her come back one more time and then send her to Harborview for oral surgery.
She pays on a sliding scale. With no income, the cost is only the cost of Rx medications.
I am grateful my teeth are in excellent condition and that there is a place for the uninsured to go to get decent dental care.
She pays on a sliding scale. With no income, the cost is only the cost of Rx medications.
I am grateful my teeth are in excellent condition and that there is a place for the uninsured to go to get decent dental care.
The Oscars nee Academy Awards
Tonight is Oscar night. I care little about who wins which award for what. I do appreciate the enormously talented writers, actors, directors and CGI people that make those fantastic movies.
The awards are being rebranded from the Academy Awards to The Oscars in an effort to attract a younger audience. Changing their business model from the RIAA blocking downloads & suing their customers to something more progressive would be a more pro-active strategy for the 21st century.
I am grateful for the wonderful movies providing entertainment for all of us.
The awards are being rebranded from the Academy Awards to The Oscars in an effort to attract a younger audience. Changing their business model from the RIAA blocking downloads & suing their customers to something more progressive would be a more pro-active strategy for the 21st century.
I am grateful for the wonderful movies providing entertainment for all of us.
Much Less Time Spent Being A Loner Isolating At Home Alone
Had a very social, pleasant and successful last week. Nothing fantastic happened beyond having a good day everyday. Did my chores, ran errands, paid bills, and stayed sober. Got ideas from Peg at UWMC PT department about how to modify my wheelchair to lesson my chronic pain. A little bit of foam rubber and viola, I sit up straighter with less pain and better balance. Lunch with Dan and Michelle at Chilito’s on the corner of 65th and Ravenna was delicious.
I am grateful for a fantastical improvement social life thanks to more humility and a stronger faith in spirituality.
I am grateful for a fantastical improvement social life thanks to more humility and a stronger faith in spirituality.
Michelle and Lea Shared at Last Night’s Meeting
Two women that I met when I was using last year have been working finding their own sobriety since I got sober. Michelle has been sober about 75 of the last 96 days. Lea is fighting a fierce demon in her heroin addiction.
They both went with me to a meeting at the Alano Club last night. It turned out to be a marijuana anonymous meeting. Only 2 of the 18 people there were stuck on pot. The rest of us had problems with alcohol, crack and heroin.
Being a small meeting, 90 minutes was plenty of time for everybody to share. It was the first time that I had heard either Lea or Michelle share at a meeting. They both talked about their addiction and being ready & willing to be done. I was proud of my friends for their achievements and happy for the progress we have made since we met last summer.
I never had younger siblings or cousins. It is sort of like having younger sisters as I get to help them get their lives back on track. It feels very good and powerful to watch them make great progress towards long-term sobriety.
I am grateful to have the wherewithal be able to help others find 12-step recovery and for the psychic rewards I get from their achievements and success.
They both went with me to a meeting at the Alano Club last night. It turned out to be a marijuana anonymous meeting. Only 2 of the 18 people there were stuck on pot. The rest of us had problems with alcohol, crack and heroin.
Being a small meeting, 90 minutes was plenty of time for everybody to share. It was the first time that I had heard either Lea or Michelle share at a meeting. They both talked about their addiction and being ready & willing to be done. I was proud of my friends for their achievements and happy for the progress we have made since we met last summer.
I never had younger siblings or cousins. It is sort of like having younger sisters as I get to help them get their lives back on track. It feels very good and powerful to watch them make great progress towards long-term sobriety.
I am grateful to have the wherewithal be able to help others find 12-step recovery and for the psychic rewards I get from their achievements and success.
Possible Chronic Pain Mitigation
I have had chronic pain in my right hip since a month after I was paralyzed in 1981. It is from a heterotopic ossification—like a giant case of arthritis—around my right hip. Over the years, I have learned much about pain management using techniques ranging from non-steroidal ant-inflammatory drugs such as Celebrex to mindful meditation to physical positioning.
Positioning works best. The big problem is that getting out of my wheelchair into bed is far and away the least painful positioning. Being in wheelchair is already a sedentary lifestyle. Lying in bed is over the top in reducing physical activity leading to weight gain and even less physical fitness. I do have over a dozen pillows on my king size bed to help with positioning. Turning from one side to another is a small ordeal in pillow repositioning. I never sleep on my back. I usually sleep on my left side with my right leg propped up in a position of little or no pain.
Today I am going to see a physical therapist at the UW’s rehab/physical medicine department. It is the top rated public hospital in the US for rehab medicine. Hopefully, we will find a way to make some minor padding adjustments to reduce my pain while sitting in my wheelchair.
I am grateful for my medical insurance with 100% coverage of bills related to my SCI, easy access to a remarkably high quality of medical care, online patient files that enables my entire team of health care providers access to my medical records, and an optimistic perspective that leads me to believe I will soon have less pain while sitting in my wheelchair.
Positioning works best. The big problem is that getting out of my wheelchair into bed is far and away the least painful positioning. Being in wheelchair is already a sedentary lifestyle. Lying in bed is over the top in reducing physical activity leading to weight gain and even less physical fitness. I do have over a dozen pillows on my king size bed to help with positioning. Turning from one side to another is a small ordeal in pillow repositioning. I never sleep on my back. I usually sleep on my left side with my right leg propped up in a position of little or no pain.
Today I am going to see a physical therapist at the UW’s rehab/physical medicine department. It is the top rated public hospital in the US for rehab medicine. Hopefully, we will find a way to make some minor padding adjustments to reduce my pain while sitting in my wheelchair.
I am grateful for my medical insurance with 100% coverage of bills related to my SCI, easy access to a remarkably high quality of medical care, online patient files that enables my entire team of health care providers access to my medical records, and an optimistic perspective that leads me to believe I will soon have less pain while sitting in my wheelchair.
Glad It Is Not Me
A former friend of a friend accosted me at the mall last Sunday. It was a short bizarre conversation. Turns out that she has schizophrenia and no family support. She lives in a women’s shelter in Redmond.
While my addiction problems suck, it is a lot better than many other mental health issues. I will take Dan out to lunch today. 80 years ago, there was not a working treatment for alcoholism and addiction. Today, there are a variety of 12-step programs and other treatment methods.
I am grateful that my mental health issues can be treated and managed in a way that allows me to live independently and function in society.
While my addiction problems suck, it is a lot better than many other mental health issues. I will take Dan out to lunch today. 80 years ago, there was not a working treatment for alcoholism and addiction. Today, there are a variety of 12-step programs and other treatment methods.
I am grateful that my mental health issues can be treated and managed in a way that allows me to live independently and function in society.
Not Nearly As Self-Destructive As I Used To Be
A universal trait shared by all alcoholics and addicts is a macabre sense of timing that causes us to be self-destructive at the worst possible time The AA big book is chock full of stories with the pattern where the night before signing the big deal, alcoholics get drunk well beyond the point of blacking out. They destroy months and years worth of work in a single binge they can’t remember.
I had that self-destructive behavior in spades. I had the typical alcoholic behavior of can’t close the deal due to getting way too intoxicated at the worst possible time honed to a razor’s edge. I was also self-destructive as a result of trying to change random chaos into regular chaos.
It was like driving a run-away car into the ditch instead of proceeding as far as possible. That made for a comprehensible timeline caused by my screwing things up before nature took its course. It is hard to explain clearly. In short, I used to be doubly self-destructive.
Today I am not nearly so as self-destructive as I used to be from the time I was five years old until late last year. It was driven by the lashes of a thousand different forms of fear of rejection and abandonment. Something happened enabling my spiritual faith to unshackle me from the pattern of a lifetime.
Last night I watched a friend go through that same self-destructive process. It was the psychic equivalent of dousing themselves in gasoline and then lighting a match. Emotional self-immolation. I did not have the skills to stop her, but I was able to escape before being sucked into the verbal firestorm.
I am grateful for being vastly less self-destructive than how I used to be. Much thanks to the spiritual awakening resulting from working AA’s 12-steps and the consistent loving support of my sister and my friends in the program.
I had that self-destructive behavior in spades. I had the typical alcoholic behavior of can’t close the deal due to getting way too intoxicated at the worst possible time honed to a razor’s edge. I was also self-destructive as a result of trying to change random chaos into regular chaos.
It was like driving a run-away car into the ditch instead of proceeding as far as possible. That made for a comprehensible timeline caused by my screwing things up before nature took its course. It is hard to explain clearly. In short, I used to be doubly self-destructive.
Today I am not nearly so as self-destructive as I used to be from the time I was five years old until late last year. It was driven by the lashes of a thousand different forms of fear of rejection and abandonment. Something happened enabling my spiritual faith to unshackle me from the pattern of a lifetime.
Last night I watched a friend go through that same self-destructive process. It was the psychic equivalent of dousing themselves in gasoline and then lighting a match. Emotional self-immolation. I did not have the skills to stop her, but I was able to escape before being sucked into the verbal firestorm.
I am grateful for being vastly less self-destructive than how I used to be. Much thanks to the spiritual awakening resulting from working AA’s 12-steps and the consistent loving support of my sister and my friends in the program.
Reliable Friends and Others
I have the best group of friends that I have ever had in my life. They are reliable, consistent, kind, loving, smart, mostly well-educated and have great compassion for others. They meet with me each week for walks, meetings, meals, conversation and companionship. We honestly and openly discuss what is going on in our life at the moment, past tragedies and future hopes. It was not always like that.
By contrast, I am working with others that are in the disparate straits between hitting a bottom and being too scared to quit using. One person in active heroin addiction lies about nearly everything while remaining adamant that they only speak the truth. It is quite possible their denial is so strong that they can’t accept they are lying. When presented with SMS texts from themselves literally stating “I did that” and “I did not do that”, they have a ready excuse for why that is not a contradiction in their special case.
It is not my job to get liars to admit to lying. I do explain the confusing communication when they demand to know why I did not comprehend and act upon their (mixed) messages. I do have compassion and empathy for them as they struggle to find a firmer grasp on a functional reality. Watching them gives me much more appreciation for what I do have.
I am grateful for my friends and for others that share an intimate look into the painful life of active addiction as they desperately seek to escape the terrors of their using lifestyle.
By contrast, I am working with others that are in the disparate straits between hitting a bottom and being too scared to quit using. One person in active heroin addiction lies about nearly everything while remaining adamant that they only speak the truth. It is quite possible their denial is so strong that they can’t accept they are lying. When presented with SMS texts from themselves literally stating “I did that” and “I did not do that”, they have a ready excuse for why that is not a contradiction in their special case.
It is not my job to get liars to admit to lying. I do explain the confusing communication when they demand to know why I did not comprehend and act upon their (mixed) messages. I do have compassion and empathy for them as they struggle to find a firmer grasp on a functional reality. Watching them gives me much more appreciation for what I do have.
I am grateful for my friends and for others that share an intimate look into the painful life of active addiction as they desperately seek to escape the terrors of their using lifestyle.
A Good Way to Start the Day
I am a night-owl by nature. Writing my gratitude blog posts frequently finds me getting up early in the morning between 4 and 7 AM. This leads to a sense of accomplishment resulting from having completed a task that has become very important to me—writing my daily blog post.
My plan is to then read a daily affirmation and meditate for at least a moment after I finish my writing and go back to bed. That makes for 3 tasks completed before breakfast. This has changed each day and my life for the better by adding structure, good habits and a sense of accomplishment to my mornings. I have the rest of the day to run my errands and make it to a meeting.
I plan on adding 10-15 hours of volunteer activity this spring. I need to add an exercise component right away. I have gained 10+ pounds in the last three months. The extra weight pulling me down to a life of even less activity. Future plans are great. I will continue to do my best to live one day at a time.
I am grateful for the innate motivation I have found withing myself to get up and write this gratitude blog every morning. It makes my life better.
My plan is to then read a daily affirmation and meditate for at least a moment after I finish my writing and go back to bed. That makes for 3 tasks completed before breakfast. This has changed each day and my life for the better by adding structure, good habits and a sense of accomplishment to my mornings. I have the rest of the day to run my errands and make it to a meeting.
I plan on adding 10-15 hours of volunteer activity this spring. I need to add an exercise component right away. I have gained 10+ pounds in the last three months. The extra weight pulling me down to a life of even less activity. Future plans are great. I will continue to do my best to live one day at a time.
I am grateful for the innate motivation I have found withing myself to get up and write this gratitude blog every morning. It makes my life better.
90 Days
I have 90 days of sobriety today. Something happened in the last five months towards the end of my relapse up to the first 90 days of my newly regained sobriety. My defects of character stemming from fear have been greatly reduced. I am doing a miraculously better job of living in the present one day at a time.
All of my life, I was burdened with the neurotic sense of malaise best described as waiting for the other shoe to drop. My teen years were extreme emotional chaos living with an raging alcoholic mother after my younger sister older brother committed suicide when I was 15. Even after years of 12-step recovery, I never felt completely emotionally safe and secure. Today that sense of intangible dread is 99% gone.
My sense of proportion or what is rational is horribly askew. For example, yesterday was payday. Several times that were especially bizarre at meetings earlier this week, the insane addict in my mind tried to convince me that smoking crack, becoming homeless and then suicidal is an functional compared with going to meetings and staying sober. From a rational basis, I know that is seriously defective thinking. From an emotional basis, the difference between using and staying sober is like meh.
Developing at least somewhat similar rational and emotional perspectives is a problem in getting right-sized that I won’t solve today. I will pray, meditate and go to a meeting today—just like I do every other day.
I am grateful for 90 days, my willingness and for the shortcomings that have been removed by my higher power.
All of my life, I was burdened with the neurotic sense of malaise best described as waiting for the other shoe to drop. My teen years were extreme emotional chaos living with an raging alcoholic mother after my younger sister older brother committed suicide when I was 15. Even after years of 12-step recovery, I never felt completely emotionally safe and secure. Today that sense of intangible dread is 99% gone.
My sense of proportion or what is rational is horribly askew. For example, yesterday was payday. Several times that were especially bizarre at meetings earlier this week, the insane addict in my mind tried to convince me that smoking crack, becoming homeless and then suicidal is an functional compared with going to meetings and staying sober. From a rational basis, I know that is seriously defective thinking. From an emotional basis, the difference between using and staying sober is like meh.
Developing at least somewhat similar rational and emotional perspectives is a problem in getting right-sized that I won’t solve today. I will pray, meditate and go to a meeting today—just like I do every other day.
I am grateful for 90 days, my willingness and for the shortcomings that have been removed by my higher power.
Being Willing
Three years ago, I went to 73 different 12-step groups on the Eastside for an outreach effort by Eastside Intergroup. It was a great experience. Hopefully the new ESIG office manager, Nancy O, will give it a go real soon now.
AA literature repeatedly discusses the importance of being willing. My big lesson-learned at the many different meetings was how vitally important it is to be willing. Willing to: go to meetings; get a sponsor; work the steps; work with others; be honest; be open; and in general be willing to do whatever it takes to live sober.
Four of the meetings I attended this week discussed willingness. Two meetings were on the Step 6, were entirely ready (willing) to have god remove these defects of character. From page 76 of the big book, “ We have emphasized willingness as being indispensable. Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable? Can He now take them all - every one? If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing.”
I am grateful for my willingness to work on my recovery to the best of my ability.
AA literature repeatedly discusses the importance of being willing. My big lesson-learned at the many different meetings was how vitally important it is to be willing. Willing to: go to meetings; get a sponsor; work the steps; work with others; be honest; be open; and in general be willing to do whatever it takes to live sober.
Four of the meetings I attended this week discussed willingness. Two meetings were on the Step 6, were entirely ready (willing) to have god remove these defects of character. From page 76 of the big book, “ We have emphasized willingness as being indispensable. Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable? Can He now take them all - every one? If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing.”
I am grateful for my willingness to work on my recovery to the best of my ability.
Warrawong Lodge: My Sister’s New Aussie Home and B&B on the Great Barrier Reef/Daintree Rainforest
My sister Karen and her husband Frank built a spectacular combination of a dream-home and a bed&breakfast in Clifton Beach, Australia. Their house is on a hill in the Daintree Rainforest with a beautiful view of the Coral Sea.
Per Wikipedia, the aboriginal word Warrawong means the "side of a hill". Karen might correct me on this.
The following is from their website, http://www.warrawonglodge.com, homepage.
“Warrawong Lodge is a new and luxurious boutique lodge in an idyllic rainforest setting featuring a panoramic view of the Coral Sea.
Warrawong Lodge is set at the back of a 4 acre block of rainforest. It is private, secure and has a fully unrestricted view of Double Island, Scouts Hat, Green Island and Fitzroy Island. All visitors to date are gobsmaked by the view from all parts of the boutique lodge. Warrawong Lodge is surrounded by trees, birds, wallabies, and many other rainforest animals and plants.
Warrawong Lodge is a new and luxurious boutique lodge an idyllic rainforest setting featuring a panoramic view of the Coral Sea. It is perfect as a venue for a wedding venue, small groups, newlyweds or someone wanting to be removed from the local tourist market. The building is designed so that all rooms have access to a broad ocean view of the Coral Sea. Each room is self contained with air-conditioning, ceiling fans, full ensuite bathroom and 2 queen size beds. The guest lounge room which is situated between the bed rooms and the swimming pool. The guest lounge room and verandah can accommodate up to 70 people for a function.
The swimming pool and spa have an infinity edge, with full views of the Coral Sea, Double Island and Scouts Hat. The pool is a Mineral Water Pool System, which uses magnesium salts for crystal clear, healthier water that leaves your skin feeling like you have just left the dayspa every time you step out of the swimming pool.
Warrawong Lodge has the best views and surroundings that can be enjoyed on the northern beaches of Cairns. The surrounding views include Buchan Point, Palm Cove, Clifton Beach, Kewarra Beach and Trinity Beach. Warrawong Lodge is also surrounded on all sides by the rain forest, and sits on the foot of the Macalister range. The panoramic views are a wonderful photographic background for a venue.
The owners are Frank Baars and Karen Higgins. Frank was born in Far North Queensland and has traveled many parts of the world. Karen is from the northwest area of the USA, and moved to Australia after marrying Frank. Frank and Karen enjoy living and working in Cairns.”
My sister literally saved my life when I was deepest in the thralls of my addiction. I am very grateful to her and am happy for Karen and Frank for all their success. They worked hard all their lives to have the wherewithal to build a gorgeous jewel of a home.
Per Wikipedia, the aboriginal word Warrawong means the "side of a hill". Karen might correct me on this.
The following is from their website, http://www.warrawonglodge.com, homepage.
“Warrawong Lodge is a new and luxurious boutique lodge in an idyllic rainforest setting featuring a panoramic view of the Coral Sea.
Warrawong Lodge is set at the back of a 4 acre block of rainforest. It is private, secure and has a fully unrestricted view of Double Island, Scouts Hat, Green Island and Fitzroy Island. All visitors to date are gobsmaked by the view from all parts of the boutique lodge. Warrawong Lodge is surrounded by trees, birds, wallabies, and many other rainforest animals and plants.
Warrawong Lodge is a new and luxurious boutique lodge an idyllic rainforest setting featuring a panoramic view of the Coral Sea. It is perfect as a venue for a wedding venue, small groups, newlyweds or someone wanting to be removed from the local tourist market. The building is designed so that all rooms have access to a broad ocean view of the Coral Sea. Each room is self contained with air-conditioning, ceiling fans, full ensuite bathroom and 2 queen size beds. The guest lounge room which is situated between the bed rooms and the swimming pool. The guest lounge room and verandah can accommodate up to 70 people for a function.
The swimming pool and spa have an infinity edge, with full views of the Coral Sea, Double Island and Scouts Hat. The pool is a Mineral Water Pool System, which uses magnesium salts for crystal clear, healthier water that leaves your skin feeling like you have just left the dayspa every time you step out of the swimming pool.
Warrawong Lodge has the best views and surroundings that can be enjoyed on the northern beaches of Cairns. The surrounding views include Buchan Point, Palm Cove, Clifton Beach, Kewarra Beach and Trinity Beach. Warrawong Lodge is also surrounded on all sides by the rain forest, and sits on the foot of the Macalister range. The panoramic views are a wonderful photographic background for a venue.
The owners are Frank Baars and Karen Higgins. Frank was born in Far North Queensland and has traveled many parts of the world. Karen is from the northwest area of the USA, and moved to Australia after marrying Frank. Frank and Karen enjoy living and working in Cairns.”
My sister literally saved my life when I was deepest in the thralls of my addiction. I am very grateful to her and am happy for Karen and Frank for all their success. They worked hard all their lives to have the wherewithal to build a gorgeous jewel of a home.
Many Things: Part 2
Reflecting on my gratitude this morning, I again find many things to be grateful for yet no specific theme comes to mind beyond a few of the many many things thank make my life better.
The tech tools including electricity, the web, my car, roads, heaters, and my wheelchair are all imbued into being fundamental elements in my life like air and water.
The mental health tools that I get from 12-step meetings, positive psychology, mindfulness and focusing on gratitude make my life not only livable, but worth living.
I am grateful for these and the many many other things that help make my life better.
The tech tools including electricity, the web, my car, roads, heaters, and my wheelchair are all imbued into being fundamental elements in my life like air and water.
The mental health tools that I get from 12-step meetings, positive psychology, mindfulness and focusing on gratitude make my life not only livable, but worth living.
I am grateful for these and the many many other things that help make my life better.
Windows and PC Skills
I am swapping primary PCs from a load functional 5-year old model to a new PC. The new one is 4x faster. That hardly matters since I can’t type, watch movies or surf the web any faster then my current speeds. The motivation for change is to have a quiet PC. Apparently cleaning the fan or putting in a new fan is not one of the possible solutions, plus I already had the new PC for some time.
I got my first computer in the Fall of 1982 when I lived in Honolulu. It was a Commodore VIC 20 and I played chess on it using my tv for a monitor. My parents bought me a $4000 dual 5.25” floppy drive IBM color PC in 1984 when I was in my sophomore year of Chemical Engineering at UC Santa Barbara. The next few years were a unique time in history when having a PC was a huge technological advantage as a student when it came to doing programming homework, crunching lab data in a spreadsheet and writing reports.
I have had the exterior case for the old PC since 2001 having upgraded the guts many times over the years. It served me through getting two premium Microsoft certifications, MCSE and MCDBA, along with an AA in Database Administration. I have installed MS Windows (NT4, 2000, XP and 7) well over 100 times back in the day. The old PC will continue to work for my roommate Michelle to watch movies on in her room.
I am grateful to my parents, sister and her husband Lee for getting me setup with my first PC; my PC/Windows skills; the miracle of the internet/web; having the skills to setup Windows and transfer files; and for having the resources to have a new PC pretty much just lying around waiting to be used. That is a LOT to be grateful for.
I got my first computer in the Fall of 1982 when I lived in Honolulu. It was a Commodore VIC 20 and I played chess on it using my tv for a monitor. My parents bought me a $4000 dual 5.25” floppy drive IBM color PC in 1984 when I was in my sophomore year of Chemical Engineering at UC Santa Barbara. The next few years were a unique time in history when having a PC was a huge technological advantage as a student when it came to doing programming homework, crunching lab data in a spreadsheet and writing reports.
I have had the exterior case for the old PC since 2001 having upgraded the guts many times over the years. It served me through getting two premium Microsoft certifications, MCSE and MCDBA, along with an AA in Database Administration. I have installed MS Windows (NT4, 2000, XP and 7) well over 100 times back in the day. The old PC will continue to work for my roommate Michelle to watch movies on in her room.
I am grateful to my parents, sister and her husband Lee for getting me setup with my first PC; my PC/Windows skills; the miracle of the internet/web; having the skills to setup Windows and transfer files; and for having the resources to have a new PC pretty much just lying around waiting to be used. That is a LOT to be grateful for.
The Pope Resigns
From the BBC, “Pope Benedict XVI is to resign at the end of this month after nearly eight years as the head of the Catholic Church, saying he is too old to continue at the age of 85.
The unexpected development - the first papal resignation in nearly 600 years - surprised governments, Vatican-watchers and even his closest aides.
The Vatican says it expects a new Pope to be elected before Easter.
Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger became Pope in 2005 after John Paul II's death.”
I am grateful for the relatively rapid modernization of the Catholic Church in my lifetime. They are firing priests that molest children, paying civil penalities for said molestation, breakaway sects in favor of condoms to prevent the spread of STDs and unwanted children, considering the possibility of evolution and that the Earth might be more than 6000 years old.
The unexpected development - the first papal resignation in nearly 600 years - surprised governments, Vatican-watchers and even his closest aides.
The Vatican says it expects a new Pope to be elected before Easter.
Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger became Pope in 2005 after John Paul II's death.”
I am grateful for the relatively rapid modernization of the Catholic Church in my lifetime. They are firing priests that molest children, paying civil penalities for said molestation, breakaway sects in favor of condoms to prevent the spread of STDs and unwanted children, considering the possibility of evolution and that the Earth might be more than 6000 years old.
Saturday Night: Dinner and a Meeting
Went to Whole Foods for a deli dinner. They had remodeled since the last time I ate there. After a thorough inspection of the ginormous deli featuring a grill & bbq, noodle bar, salad bar, taco bar, pizza bar and bakery, we decided on the salad bar. Choosing from dozens of different chilled beverages, I had a lemon-flavored Italian soda and my friend had sweet tea.
We went to the monthly Pine Lake Speaker meeting. There was almost 300 people at the meeting. Marty from Las Vegas was the featured speaker. There was no doubt that he was a real alcoholic. After many relapses and prison time, he now has 11 years of sobriety.
Getting older is strange in some ways. Marty looked like an older gentleman to me. He was three years younger than me. That was right up there with a gotta-get bifocals moment.
I am grateful for a friend to go to meetings with me, great grocery stores and excellent meetings.
We went to the monthly Pine Lake Speaker meeting. There was almost 300 people at the meeting. Marty from Las Vegas was the featured speaker. There was no doubt that he was a real alcoholic. After many relapses and prison time, he now has 11 years of sobriety.
Getting older is strange in some ways. Marty looked like an older gentleman to me. He was three years younger than me. That was right up there with a gotta-get bifocals moment.
I am grateful for a friend to go to meetings with me, great grocery stores and excellent meetings.
It is Not Snowing
Nemo, a record-breaking blizzard is hitting the East coast hard from New York to Maine. There was three feet of snow in Boston and counting. It is a collision of a cold storm that came down from Canada via the Midwest and a wet storm that came up the Atlantic coast. Here in Bellevue the weather is partly cloudy, i.e. some sunshine, with a low of 36° and a high of 48°.
I am grateful for our mild winter weather.
I am grateful for our mild winter weather.
Identifying With Others
Something happened over the course of the last three months that has helped me to identify with others in a way that is unprecedented in my life. It is beyond the blessed phenomenon of having more compassion and empathy for others. While listening to others share at meetings, I find myself identifying with at least a part of every person's experience. That is a great thing for a guy who seriously considered he might be missing a bonding neurotransmitter in his brain for years. I was terminally unique for a long time after I got to recovery.
I am grateful to identify with others in my life in a way that provides joy for me allowing me to much better empathize with and have compassion for others.
I am grateful to identify with others in my life in a way that provides joy for me allowing me to much better empathize with and have compassion for others.
A New PC
My old PC is annoyingly loud. I have had a new PC that has laid around for months. I will take out the old one, move my desk a bit with help from friends and then hook-up the new PC.
I am grateful for help and a solution to the annoying issue of a noisy PC.
I am grateful for help and a solution to the annoying issue of a noisy PC.
A Trip To Harborview
Went to Harborview hospital yesterday to have an x-ray with contrast (fluoroscopy) procedure done followed by a urology appointment.
There was a shortage of handicapped parking for decades. Additional parking was opened four years ago at the 9th & Jefferson building. Tunnels made for a long easy walk to the Maleng building and then to the main building. Handicapped parking was all taken yesterday from top to bottom. Fortunately on the way out, there was a spot opened right in front of the elevator. It was an auspicious beginning compared with continuing to search for handicapped parking at a giant hospital at 10:30 in the morning.
After an astounding number of irrelevant Medicare insurance questions, I was deemed a financial feasible patient proceeding to wait in a corner with a nice view of the helo-pad and south Elliot Bay. The technician that took me back to get changed and placed on the x-ray table could not have been nicer or more helpful. She laughed when I told her about my crack relapse last year—she was clearly a fellow trudger on the road to happy destinies.
The radiologist was a kindly old doctor with a beautiful young resident that wanted to be a heart surgeon. The results were results reasonable good and definitely better than worst case scenarios.
I went back to the Maleng building, checking in at noon to see the urologist at 1 hoping to maybe catch him before lunch. After a nice chat with a father from Billings Montana while looking out over Seattle to the north, his son and I were both called back a half-hour early by the urologist himself. I got the short answer and got first consult. I will keep taking Keflex for another two months hoping that cures my chronic bladder infection. That was an easy answer compared with multiple surgeries and procedures.
I am grateful for a 15-minute drive to a fantastic high quality level of health-care and have appreciated Harborview more and more over time since my sister first helped me get in there 31 years ago.
There was a shortage of handicapped parking for decades. Additional parking was opened four years ago at the 9th & Jefferson building. Tunnels made for a long easy walk to the Maleng building and then to the main building. Handicapped parking was all taken yesterday from top to bottom. Fortunately on the way out, there was a spot opened right in front of the elevator. It was an auspicious beginning compared with continuing to search for handicapped parking at a giant hospital at 10:30 in the morning.
After an astounding number of irrelevant Medicare insurance questions, I was deemed a financial feasible patient proceeding to wait in a corner with a nice view of the helo-pad and south Elliot Bay. The technician that took me back to get changed and placed on the x-ray table could not have been nicer or more helpful. She laughed when I told her about my crack relapse last year—she was clearly a fellow trudger on the road to happy destinies.
The radiologist was a kindly old doctor with a beautiful young resident that wanted to be a heart surgeon. The results were results reasonable good and definitely better than worst case scenarios.
I went back to the Maleng building, checking in at noon to see the urologist at 1 hoping to maybe catch him before lunch. After a nice chat with a father from Billings Montana while looking out over Seattle to the north, his son and I were both called back a half-hour early by the urologist himself. I got the short answer and got first consult. I will keep taking Keflex for another two months hoping that cures my chronic bladder infection. That was an easy answer compared with multiple surgeries and procedures.
I am grateful for a 15-minute drive to a fantastic high quality level of health-care and have appreciated Harborview more and more over time since my sister first helped me get in there 31 years ago.
Happiness Tip: Develop Grit
The following is a cut-n-paste of an email from christinecarter.com.
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The best predictor of success in school is not grades or SAT scores, but a quality researchers call "grit". Gritty people do well because they are able to persist in the face of difficulty. In adulthood, grit predicts both success and happiness.
Grit is not a personality trait that you have or don't have; it is a skill you can develop in yourself.
If you have a hard time persisting through challenge, the best way to develop more grit is to check your belief about WHY you are facing difficulty. Do you believe that you are inherently not-good at whatever it is you are pursuing? If so, you have what psychologists call a "fixed-mindset," and that fixed-mindset is your biggest problem.
People who have "growth-mindsets" (instead of fixed-mindsets) tend to have more grit because they believe that their success is based on their effort rather than their innate talents. So when they find something challenging or difficult, they believe that they can and will improve through their hard work and persistent effort.
Mindsets are self-fulfilling. People who believe something is hard because they inherently aren't good at it quit earlier, and improve less. People who believe that they CAN improve through continued practice tend to practice more--even when the going gets rough--and therefore they get even better.
Take Action: Identify an area of your life where you tend to quit in the face of difficulty. Do you believe that you lack the innate talent that you need to succeed? Research shows us, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the power of innate talent pales in comparison to the power of grit when it comes to success. If you practice something deliberately, especially if you have good strategies to direct your effort, your performance will improve. Try approaching your difficult activity with this growth-mindset knowledge, and see if it helps you persist when the going gets rough.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I am grateful for my tenacity and perseverance that help me overcome life's obstacles & setbacks by working my way through them.
++++++++++++++++++++++
The best predictor of success in school is not grades or SAT scores, but a quality researchers call "grit". Gritty people do well because they are able to persist in the face of difficulty. In adulthood, grit predicts both success and happiness.
Grit is not a personality trait that you have or don't have; it is a skill you can develop in yourself.
If you have a hard time persisting through challenge, the best way to develop more grit is to check your belief about WHY you are facing difficulty. Do you believe that you are inherently not-good at whatever it is you are pursuing? If so, you have what psychologists call a "fixed-mindset," and that fixed-mindset is your biggest problem.
People who have "growth-mindsets" (instead of fixed-mindsets) tend to have more grit because they believe that their success is based on their effort rather than their innate talents. So when they find something challenging or difficult, they believe that they can and will improve through their hard work and persistent effort.
Mindsets are self-fulfilling. People who believe something is hard because they inherently aren't good at it quit earlier, and improve less. People who believe that they CAN improve through continued practice tend to practice more--even when the going gets rough--and therefore they get even better.
Take Action: Identify an area of your life where you tend to quit in the face of difficulty. Do you believe that you lack the innate talent that you need to succeed? Research shows us, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the power of innate talent pales in comparison to the power of grit when it comes to success. If you practice something deliberately, especially if you have good strategies to direct your effort, your performance will improve. Try approaching your difficult activity with this growth-mindset knowledge, and see if it helps you persist when the going gets rough.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I am grateful for my tenacity and perseverance that help me overcome life's obstacles & setbacks by working my way through them.
Many things or no particular topic
One unexpected result for my gratitude writing is spending time at the beginning and end of each day doing a spiritual meditation as suggested in the 11th Step Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out.
I don't have the 11th Step dialed in as something that automatically happens in the morning and at night. I do find myself thinking about a topic for my morning gratitude writing at night when I go to bed and in the morning before I get up. It might not be a perfect 11th step. It is the closest I have ever come to consistently doing the 11th step.
Thinking about what I am grateful for last night and this morning came up with many good things in my life but no particular topic or theme. Sitting at the keyboard at 6 AM and just typing whatever I could to get past a sort of writer's block got me this post. It is a wonderful realization that I am doing an 11th step in the morning and at night thanks to my gratitude blogging.
I am grateful for many things especially the serendipitous result of my doing a functional version of the 11th step each morning and at night.
I don't have the 11th Step dialed in as something that automatically happens in the morning and at night. I do find myself thinking about a topic for my morning gratitude writing at night when I go to bed and in the morning before I get up. It might not be a perfect 11th step. It is the closest I have ever come to consistently doing the 11th step.
Thinking about what I am grateful for last night and this morning came up with many good things in my life but no particular topic or theme. Sitting at the keyboard at 6 AM and just typing whatever I could to get past a sort of writer's block got me this post. It is a wonderful realization that I am doing an 11th step in the morning and at night thanks to my gratitude blogging.
I am grateful for many things especially the serendipitous result of my doing a functional version of the 11th step each morning and at night.
Something Happened
At the Mill Creek Five and Dime speaker meeting Friday night, Dean T discussed the phenomenon of "something happened". He noticed that while listening at meetings, fellow trudgers discussed some significant problem they had been having with relapse, relationships, money, etc, when a psychic change took place (spiritual experience?) and the problem was resolved with little change in physical conditions.
Something happened for me between the end of that last relapse and early in my current stint of sobriety. I have more humility which strangely enough translates into more confidence since I am less neurotic. My relationships have improved due to having more emotional security allowing me to be more vulnerable, honest and intimate while communicating with others. My mindfulness of living in the moment one day at a time is a thing of much serenity.
I am grateful that something happened in the last 6 months that enabled a greatly improved emotional quality of life while all other external factors remained constant—e.g., same car, apartment, cats, clothes, bed, tv, etc.
Something happened for me between the end of that last relapse and early in my current stint of sobriety. I have more humility which strangely enough translates into more confidence since I am less neurotic. My relationships have improved due to having more emotional security allowing me to be more vulnerable, honest and intimate while communicating with others. My mindfulness of living in the moment one day at a time is a thing of much serenity.
I am grateful that something happened in the last 6 months that enabled a greatly improved emotional quality of life while all other external factors remained constant—e.g., same car, apartment, cats, clothes, bed, tv, etc.
Winter Holidays
The largest AA get-together (convention? conference?) in Washington State, Winter Holidays, is held 6 blocks due west of my apartment at the Bellevue Hilton. 750 AA and Alanon members attend this event running from Friday night to Sunday morning. There are speaker meetings, dances, a large dinner with speakers, a comedian, spiritual breakfast and many workshops. People come from hundreds of miles to attend the event. Several of the speakers come from California and Arizona.
A large noisy crowded event is difficult for me to navigate in my chair and almost impossible to converse with others due to my tinnitus/hearing loss. I am going to staff the table for the Eastside Intergroup (ESIG) office from 4 to 6. Then I will give the Seattle Intergroup office manager, Larry, a ride back home to the Queen Anne neighborhood in Seattle. The ESIG office manager, Nancy, cleverly tricked me into attending this event by asking me to staff the table and give Larry a ride home. Once I actually get to the event, I am sure I will enjoy myself. It is not something that I would do left to my own best thinking.
I am extremely grateful for the many fantastic 12-step resources in my community and for the members of the fellowship that help expand my horizons.
A large noisy crowded event is difficult for me to navigate in my chair and almost impossible to converse with others due to my tinnitus/hearing loss. I am going to staff the table for the Eastside Intergroup (ESIG) office from 4 to 6. Then I will give the Seattle Intergroup office manager, Larry, a ride back home to the Queen Anne neighborhood in Seattle. The ESIG office manager, Nancy, cleverly tricked me into attending this event by asking me to staff the table and give Larry a ride home. Once I actually get to the event, I am sure I will enjoy myself. It is not something that I would do left to my own best thinking.
I am extremely grateful for the many fantastic 12-step resources in my community and for the members of the fellowship that help expand my horizons.
One Month of My New Habit of Daily Writing, Reading, Meditation and a Meeting
My New Year's Resolution was to do my gratitude writing in the morning followed by reading a daily affirmation & meditation along with doing 90 in 90. I completed 123 of the 124 tasks for the 31 days of January missing one meeting on the 10th. That is a success rate of better than 99%. Good enough for today.
I am grateful for the successful achievement of my new habits in January and for the resulting serenity in my life.
I am grateful for the successful achievement of my new habits in January and for the resulting serenity in my life.
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