Checking In

It has been 16 days since my last Gratitude blog post.  It was a good time to take a break.  I am not yet ready to return to daily posting.  I did want to write a short post and say “hi” to my blogging world.

This month my burn went from nearly healed to a closed wound to having like a mild case of road rash on fragile skin.  The wound reopened about 10 days ago.  Lea has been changing the dressing every other in the same way that the visiting nurse was doing last month.  It is healing much faster now that it was then due to having a much better skin bed underneath it with vastly improved blood flow.

I will go to my regular MD tomorrow.  She may or may not take a look at it.  For all 100+ times I have seen this MD over the years, she rarely examines my body directly.   Mostly it is the lab test result for the anticoagulant Coumadin that she checks.

I am grateful to be doing well, for longer warmer spring days and for all the support that others have given me along the way.

Time for a Short Break in Writing

I did not post for a week 13 months ago in March.  I wrote 359 posts here in 2014.   My plan was to write every day for a year and then take a break.   10 days in hospital in January knocked me off stride on that one.

Now I will take a break for a week or so to get recharged on writing Gratitude blog posts.  Burnout is becoming an issue.  Hopefully on my return I will have a renewed energy and sense of direction.  This blog is one of the best self-care activities I have done for myself in my life.  Quitting altogether due to burnout would be horrible.

On a side note, I took a shower today without having my ankle wrapped in a plastic bag for the first time in three months.  It feels good to be clean all over.  My graft is still very fragile.  It is now a closed wound.

I am grateful for the positive energy and thoughts writing this daily blog has yielded to me.

June Bug

My two cats are June Bug (name given by Joy) “Bug” and Love Bug (name when found at agency) aka Baby Kitty.  Bug has bonded with me really well.  She is sits by the keyboard when I am at my PC and will lay next to me in bed when I am reading.  She often sleeps on my wheelchair when I am not in it.

Baby Kitty bonded with Lea but is not hanging out with her like she used to before she learned how to use the cat doors to the deck last week.  Lea misses her Baby Kitty sleeping with her.  I feel for her.

I am grateful that Bug bonded so closely with me.   She gives me lots of love, purrs and comfort.

Alternatives to Incarceration

Drove Lea to Chehalis today to visit her son in rehab at American Behavioral Health Systems.  He is doing well after his first month.  This was an alternative to a jail or prison sentence.

Doing 3 to 6 months of rehab is a lot better choice than locking up an addict for 2 months and then releasing them to probation.  Probation for addicts is like sentencing them to a legal meat grinder that chews up their lives, tax money and opportunity.

Lea brought him some new clothes and cigarettes.  This was the first time she bought and gave presents other than gift cards to her son in years.   She had a sense of trepidation and some fear of rejection over buying clothes for her son.

I am grateful to be of service in helping another family get back together.  I wish my mother had gone to rehab or at least tried to get sober like Lea is doing.  It is a far cry from a perfect world, but they are both doing their best to change their ways and their lives.

PS: Seattle and King County have a pilot program to address low-level crimes with a diversion program called Law Enforcement Diversion Program (LEAD).

A Big Late Snow

2015 has had a roughly average amount of precipitation in Washington State.  It has been much warmer than usual though and fallen as rain instead of snow in the local mountains.  The snowpack is 73% below average.  We are going to get a late season snow of 6 to 12 inches in the mountains over the next two days that will increase the snowpack to some degree.

Even with average precipitation, locals are concerned about a “drought” due to how we count on the melting snowpack to provide water in the dry summer months and to keep our mountain forests from drying out.   Last year, we had the biggest forest fire on record with a much larger snowpack.

I am grateful for snow in the mountains and rain in the lowlands.

Greater Good – Cal Swim Coach

Here is a nice video on gratitude by the UC Berkeley’s women’s swim coach—2015 NCAA champions.  Coach McKeever stated she has only anecdotal evidence.  As coach Olympic and NCAA champions, those are powerful anecdotes.

Lea and I went for a walk and lunch along the Kirkland waterfront today.  It was a nice day with a great grinder at George’s.  It was good to get out for a little walk in the sunshine, watch the ducks and listen to music playing in the amphitheater.

I am grateful for the many ways to show gratitude in our lives today.  I do a lot better while in a state of gratitude instead of self-pity and resentment.

Officially Healed

I went to the burn clinic at Harborview today.  My burn has been deemed officially healed.  There is a tiny spot that was still open that they chemically cauterized closed with a dab of silver nitrate. 

After burning myself on 1/15, getting surgery on 1/22, and being released from the hospital on 1/29, its been slow progress to make it this far.  It was well worth the effort compared with all other outcomes except the one where I did not lose a part of my graft resulting in having been healed in about two weeks instead of two months. 

I again explained to the burn unit director that her nurse practitioner did a piss poor job of listening to my concerns regarding how best to deal with the complexities caused by my being paralyzed.  She agreed to discuss them with him.  In the past she had defended his choices.

I am grateful to be mostly healed and not having to have daily visits by the home health care nurse anymore.

Better Late Than Never

It used to be that when I was beyond a deadline for a task that I would just give up.  I missed posting last night and am now writing last night’s Gratitude blog post in the late morning.  There is great progress in doing something late versus never.

I am grateful for showing up differently in my life by completing tasks when I can instead of simply giving up.

Elise the RN

For all but eight days since January 30^th, Elise the RN came over to change the dressing on my ankle every day.  She did a great job advocating for me with my doctor and bringing supplies when necessary.  Today was her last day.  On Wednesday I will go back to the burn clinic when they will presumably deem my burn healed enough to not need dressing changes.

I am grateful to Elise for her outstanding service for the last two months.  My life and skin are definitely better for having had her in it.  Vaya con dios!

Prayer and Meditation

I would frequently pray when young.  So-called foxhole prayers for god to get me out of some trouble or another that I was going to be in when my father got home in a day or two.   That never worked.

In recovery, I have learned how to use prayer and meditation for a similar effect as positive thinking, visualization or self-hypnosis.  That works a lot better than focusing on the negative with my magic magnifying mind.

I read AA’s 11^th step prayer aka the prayer of St Francis of Assisi (undoubtedly not his work).

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace!

That where there is hatred, I may bring love.

That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness.

That where there is discord, I may bring harmony.

That where there is error, I may bring truth.

That where there is doubt, I may bring faith.

That where there is despair, I may bring hope.

That where there are shadows, I may bring light.

That where there is sadness, I may bring joy.

Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort, than to be comforted.

To understand, than to be understood.

To love, than to be loved.

For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.

It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.

It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.

Then I talked about my insane alcoholic thinking that makes smoking crack seem like an attractive idea no matter how self-destructive it actually is.  It was a good meeting.   I felt better.

I am grateful for what skills in prayer and meditation that I do have today.

Thoughts and Feelings Are Not Facts

Had a rough week with crazy thoughts and negative feelings getting the best of my thinking for the last week.  Fortunately I am now wise enough with virtue (actually doing the right thing instead of simply knowing the right thing while not doing it) to keep me from acting out in self-destructive ways to change the way I feel.

When AA was young, psychologists and doctors studied a group of problem drinkers trying to find out what so-called problem drinkers had in common.  They concluded that alcoholics were “still childish, emotionally sensitive and grandiose.  How we alcoholics did resent that verdict!”

I am still emotionally sensitive.  Now I am also much less childish and grandiose.   That is great progress.

I am grateful for the progress I have made in my recovery so that I don’t have to react to every thought and feeling as if it were a fact had to be proven or disputed.  They are just thoughts and feelings that go away faster when I don’t get stuck obsessing on them.

Grocery Store Deli’s and Salad Bars

I love grocery stores.   The bigger the better.  To me they are like museums serving as an ode to conspicuous consumption in America with plenty of free parking.

Lea and I went to Whole Foods as a low-effort outing and lunch.   We picked two kinds of apples out of the 50ish varieties of fresh fruit, potatoes and onions.  Then we got box lunches from their 100 feet of salad bar next to the 100 feet of 6 kinds of hot counter food including bbq, tacos, burgers, and grilled sandwiches.

Definitely spendier than other grocery stores but at least customers don’t have to wait in line at the checkout register.    Whole Foods takes your money with a quickness!  I was pleasantly surprised to find a few produce and bottled water prices that were better than the other local grocers.

Small ethnic markets tend to run between tight and impassable for me in my wheelchair.    Otherwise I would shop at them more often.  Plus I don’t know how to prepare tasty meals from the products they offer.  I guess that is what cookbooks are for.  I like to read while eating not before eating. 

I was planning to make scalloped potatoes with ham for Easter.   It turns out what I really want is Au Gratin potatoes.  I had to Google the difference (cheese vs. cream).  Never made that before, slicing the potatoes by hand was a drag and I very rarely make casseroles (or other baked dishes).

I am grateful for high quality produce at affordable prices set up in dazzling displays of color and abundance.

Almost Healed

I have an appointment at the burn clinic next Wednesday.   It is my hope that I will be deemed healed enough to no longer need daily dressing changes from the visiting nurse.  It has taken 2.5 months to get this far. 

I am grateful having the resources to get this wound healed in a somewhat timely fashion.  It is a lot better than dying of an infection or having part of my leg amputated. 

Cheese

I love cheese.   Mostly the classic Americana dairy varieties like cheddar, Swiss, pepper jack, sharp, etc.  Not much for exotic flavors of cheese that are stinky or gooey.  I do like blue cheese for salad dressing and some cooking uses.

In teens, my father would bring home cheese from New Zealand.  Big giant 6 pound sausage shaped logs of yellow cheese.  I thought it was one step above government cheese at the time.  Why else would they sell such big rounds?   Turns out that it was a pretty nice smoked Gouda-like cheese.  They don’t even sell cheese like that in local volume stores like Costco or restaurant supply stores.  I had no idea how good I had it as a kid.

I am grateful for all the delicious varieties of cheese.  Tonight it was pepper jack on ground beef patties.  Delicious!