Lea had 90 days clean this morning.
She went back to her last crackhouse this afternoon to get high. I hope she finds what she needs to help her
better work the program so she can stay sober.
While smoking crack sounds like a terrible idea to most people, that is
what crack addicts do. It is abnormal
for us to stay sober.
It is said that dumb people don’t learn from their mistakes, normal
people learn from their mistakes and wise men learn from the mistakes of others. Thanks to the miracle of recovery, I have a
lot more wisdom today than I ever had before in my life.
Every day I have the obsession to smoke crack. AA members talk about having the obsession removed
ranging in time from immediately to soon to years later. It would be great if that happened to me
right now. That is beyond my power to
change. What I can do is work the
program and strive to become happily entangled in the fellowship so that I am
in the middle of the lifeboat instead of precariously clinging to the side
while dangling my legs in shark-infested waters.
Lea is making some effort to work the program. She goes to a meeting every day, she has a
sponsor that she meets with, and she is doing service work as the secretary of
a meeting. What she is not doing is
anything beyond that such as coffee with friends, reaching out to others or
trying to carry the message. She has
some profound health care problems—just like many others in recovery.
All alcoholics and addicts have a strong sense of learned helplessness
early in recovery. Admitted we are powerless over alcohol is the first half of the first
step. Lea has big streak of that
powerlessness in her psyche. While I
also had that in a big way, it was not nearly as bad as what she has. It is like how a beaten dog cringes. It takes a lot of time, love and good
treatment to get past that cringing behavior.
It can be done with enough time and strong motivation. I hope she can find the time and motivation
to work her way through her learned helplessness/being powerless.
It feels a little peculiar, but I am actually a bit optimistic about
her relapse. Her present course was unsustainable. She will either get better or worse. I hope she gets better. If she gets worse she will either leave or be
pushed out. No matter what, I am more
determined than ever to stay sober one day at a time.
I am grateful for my sobriety and for having acquired more wisdom to
learn from the mistakes and successes of others.
I did not know you did crack, another reason to applaud your sobriety, Philip Syemour Hoffman's death was ruled an accidental overdose of lethal drugs..Guess his family will get his insurance after all, 3 little kids to support by one Mother with no Father due to his addiction to drugs and alcohol, he was sober for 22 almost 23 years in which he and partner had 3 beautiful kids together, toooo toooo bad he could not stay sober enough to raise them and let them be adults the incidiousness of addiction precludes everything else in one's life, he also was having an affair with another woman and when his partner found out that was it she was with him for over 17 years and that was just too much with 3 kids to raise, out he went, into drugs and killed himself accidentally, it is always wealthy people who get the breaks another human being with insurance would just be screwed tooed and tattoed, his kids get some money to be raised others usually burn in hell..the kids, I know my dad left in the the throes of alcoholism and we just lost our wonderful mother, we were alone without a paddle up the creek, I would never ever drink of demon rum or anything, nothing comes before my husband of nearly 40 years and our only child who will turn 37 the end of the year..nothing..I applaud your sobriety and will pray for Lea with her slipping back into drugs, oh, my goodness sakes..maybe God, Karma or your AA will help her to be clean and sober soon...
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