Getting Right-Sized

The AA 12x12 describes letting instincts far exceed their intended purpose by willfully demanding they supply us with more satisfaction or pleasure than is possible as a measure of our character defects or sins.  When two or more of those instincts are in collision, we need to get right-sized.  Alcoholics have been described as ego-maniacs with low self-esteem.

In my case, my instincts for prestige (popularity) is in collision with my desire to isolate at home.   I want to be popular without having people bug me with phone calls, invitations and such.  This is an egregious example conflicting my desires and serves to clearly illustrate how I set myself up for failure by wanting two outcomes that are mutually exclusive.  It gives me an excuse to never be happy, full of self-pity and set myself up as a victim of circumstances instead of taking responsibility for my life, mental and physical health..

While I am still far from right-sized, I know that discussing these instincts in collision with god and others will at least relieve me to the burden of being as sick as that secret.  I definitely need help from powers greater than myself to have these and other shortcomings removed.

I am grateful for this spiritual program of action, my higher power and my friends in the fellowship of the spirit as I trudge the road of happy destinies.


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