In working my 12-step program over the years, I created a
thought-experiment about god. I would go
through a given day turning over my worries to my higher power (HP) while
continuing to take action by doing the next indicated thing versus other days
when I would do all my own worrying being paralyzed by fear while doing a
limited amount (at best) of right action.
Invariably my days went better when I acted with faith in an HP while doing
the footwork. Never once did a worrying day
work out better for me.
One friend has suggested that I need a bigger god. Since I percieve my HP at the great spirit that
moves through all things, that seems like a plenty powerful enough HP for my
needs. What I clearly do need is a
better connection with my HP. It is as
if I have been getting my spiritual connection from an oxygen tank hose used by
people with emphysema. That leads to my
running low on spiritual connectivity.
I am working on a new connection with my HP that is more like swimming
in a warm tropical reef with buoyant calm waters filled with much beauty. I will be safe and protected with little
danger and much to enjoy as I swim in my HP’s love for me.
One of my great shortcomings is not loving myself. With greater faith and trust in my HP, I will
do a better job of loving myself. That
will manifest itself with improved self-care, less self-destructive behavior
and greater love for my fellow man.
I am grateful for my improving connection with a higher power of my
understanding basking in his love for me while enjoying a great life to the
reasonable best of my abilities.
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