After a rough time this spring with using thoughts and obsessive
thinking, I have been working on surrendering my insanity to my higher power—as
opposed to trying to control my thoughts—and seeking humility with a strong
focus on seeking my HP’s will for me and the power to carry that out.
Surrendering has taken the form of me taking action when obsessive
thoughts of using, self-pity, resentment, etc. gin-up the hamster-wheel of
crazy-making in my mind. I make phone
calls, read 12-step literature, go to meetings, or write to a) distract myself from negative thinking and
b) take positive action to make myself feel better.
Humility currently has a lot to do with me asking others for help—or at
least talking about what is bugging me—and also making a priority of building
more, stronger and deeper relationships with new people and old friends in my
life.
Today I met with Verne for an hour before the 10:30 meeting to compare
answers from the NA workbook. That is
surrendering and humility in action on a variety of levels. I do the questions at home writing down the answers
on notebook paper and bring them like a list of topics to discuss when I meet
with Verne. It helps our conversations
become much more recovery oriented by having a list of topics to talk about.
I am grateful to Charlie for making it explicitly clear how much that I
need to surrender and have much more humility in my life.
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