a minor meltdown

Had a minor meltdown the last two days. Was going to go to Vancouver BC and did not make it out of the apartment. In the past, that type of behavior (flaking on myself and/or others) would all too often serve as the snowball that started an avalanche of negative thinking.

As it was, I watched movies and read from my Kindle. Not exactly a big change in lifestyle, but a bit demoralizing when I had planned on doing something else. I know fear of pain was a big part of the issue. I have a baker's dozen pillows on my bed so I can most comfortably prop up my right leg to reduce the chronic pain in my right hip. A hotel bed does not have a chance of being nearly that comfy.

The good news is that tomorrow I will get back out there and face the world. My meltdowns are a lot shorter and far more pleasant than how they used to be. I have picked up many tools in the 12 years since I started recovery. The power of gratitude that I have learned this year helps me use those other tools far more quickly and skillfully.

Vancouver was a goal to make during the recent spate of warm weather. That has gone by the wayside for the winter. I have a friend in Walla Walla that I want to visit. It is still 75F+ in Eastern Washington. I hope to go next week via the Columbia gorge and stop at the Maryhill Museum. It is a great museum in the middle of nowhere with a Stonehenge replica.

I am grateful that my meltdowns are now fairly pleasant and reasonably short-lived. It is a lot better than how it used to be.