I am working closely with a friend in active heroin addiction that is
trying to quit by getting on a methadone treatment program. She claims to have used since she was 7 years
old except for the occasional clean time stint in jail. Lea nice enough person and she is both willing
and working very hard at changing her life.
For practical purposes, it is physically impossible for her to own up
to her mistakes. The toilet in the guest
bathroom was deemed non-functioning last night after plunged and flushed it a
dozen times last night. This afternoon,
I went work on it some more. The
formerly clear water was brown and the immediately toilet overflowed. Obviously it had been pooped in. There were only two of us here and I never
use that bathroom. She denied having
used it and flew into a rage as if that would make her more clearly innocent. It didn’t.
I did not even say a word to her besides let me out of the bathroom when
she stood there blocking the door.
The blatant lies are more annoying than the questionable actions and behaviors. I can chalk up most of the behaviors to
either not knowing better, poor impulse control or a lack of respect for property
and people. Most likely it is some
combination of all three in any given not-responsible situation. Lying
about not having done something when clearly busted for said action baffles and/or
confuses me. She is not so delusional
that she remembers an alternate reality. My guess is that denying socially
unacceptable behaviors is a way of avoiding responsibility for our lives and
remaining a victim laden with self-pity.
The maintance guy is here now. I
just talked with my sponsee who ‘fessed up to having a tryst with a married
woman. This morning’s Alanon meeting was
on forgiveness. I did my Gratitude blog writing. Lea went for a walk. I can focus on the bigger picture of excellent
progress t improving our lives instead of being stuck on this short-lived element
of negativity.
I am grateful for more mature and better tools that get me through short
term aggravations while remaining focused on the long term goals.
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