Home Alone

Lea had 29 days today.  Michelle had a week.  We went to a noon meeting and came home. They left for a walk at 2 PM and have not been back for at least eight hours.  It is a given that they are using drugs.  It is a sad situation. 

Years ago, both of them walked away from their families and children in pursuit of their addiction.  They are in their 40s with felony convictions.  Their health has been comprised by using and lack of timely healthcare.  The next big thing they have left to lose is their lives.  To paraphrase the 12x12, addiction [alcohol] is a rapacious creditor.

We read the first step at the mall last Friday with Charlie.  I recently had the insight into the conditions of the term rapacious creditor.  Now it means to me that drugs will front a high for a short time but take everything we have or hold dear in payment for that high—along with having to pay for the drugs in the first place.

I have always had using thoughts.  In AA we say we are not responsible for our first thought but we are responsible for our second thought.  Now my second thought is to pray to have the obsession/obsessive thinking removed by my higher power.  That has worked well for me.

I miss Lea and Michelle.  I am glad that I am not out their using with them.  It takes Lea three weeks to go through the cycle of calm after using, angst, anger and then back to being happy.  It is wearing and not fun.  I promised I would help her get her dentures.  She has two more fittings before she gets them.  Something has got to change.  Hopefully she will get tired enough of being sick and tired to do the work to stay sober.  Michelle got stuck out there for two months last time she used.  Winter is coming.  It has to be rough as a homeless 45 year old female drug addict with arthritis during winter in Seattle.

I am grateful that there is a solution and that I am living in the solution today.  It sucks that they are stuck in active addiction.  It is good that I have a bird’s eye view of the insanity.  Right now, it is not attractive.  That is good enough for today.