The Acid Test

From the book Daily Reflections for October 2^nd

As we work the first nine Steps, we prepare ourselves for the adventure of a new life. But when we approach Step Ten we commence to put our A.A. way of living to practical use, day by day, in fair weather or foul. Then comes the acid test: can we stay sober, keep in emotional balance, and live to good purpose under all conditions?  12x12, p. 88

I know the Promises are being fulfilled in my life, but I want to maintain and develop them by the daily application of Step Ten. I have learned through this Step that if I am disturbed, there is something wrong with me. The other person may be wrong too, but I can only deal with my feelings. When I am hurt or upset, I have to continually look for the cause in me, and then I have to admit and correct my mistakes. It isn't easy, but as long as I know I am progressing spiritually, I know that I can mark my effort up as a job well done. I have found that pain is a friend; it lets me know there is something wrong with my emotions, just as a physical pain lets me know there is something wrong with my body. When I take the appropriate action through the Twelve Steps, the pain gradually goes away. 

My recent insights into my emotional literacy is amazing in an appalling sort of way to realize just how far off the beaten path I had strayed or failed to travel—pick your metaphor.  In the past when have a feeling of angst or confusion, I would try to tune it out as some unrecognizable emotional white noise.  Either way, I would strive to ignore the message.  Now I know that agitation is my (subconscious?) mind trying to communicate with conscious mind to tell it important information such as I did not feel right about whatever just happened or maybe that something good just happened.

Today I am much more receptive to getting and comprehending these emotional signals.   Thus I am that much closer to being able to communicate my feelings and thoughts with others during our conversation instead of gasping with insight in the middle of the night.

I am grateful for my increased emotional literacy and look forward to becoming even more skilled at handling my emotions in successful positive ways.