My past was been a painful place when I thought about it by myself. The present was untenable due my being incapable of living in the moment. The only place in time for my life being okay was in the future of I will be happy when or if only. Be the end of my using, my future had collapsed to a bleak Hobbesian existence that was nasty, brutish and short.
After years of 12-step recovery, therapy, working on mindfully living in the moment and turning over anxious worry to a spiritual power greater than myself, I now spend most of my mental time living in the present moment.
Early in my recovery I was able to prove the value of spirituality, god or a higher power with a simple thought experiment of spending one day without a HP doing all of my own worrying versus turning over my worries to my HP while doing the next indicated thing. Never once did doing my own worrying without a HP result in having a better day than being with a HP. It does not matter the least little bit if there is or is not a god to the quality of my life as far as I can tell. What does matter to my serenity is that I act as if there is a god by manifesting mindfulness and spirituality. My very life depends on imbuing those concepts into my daily existence. There is infinite room for improvement. It is a lot better than how it used to be. Progress, not perfection.
I am grateful for my spirituality and mindfulness today in the here and now.
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