no longer “terminally unique”


Most of my life I felt terminally unique, which is a recovery catch-phrase for being sure that nobody else has deal with the terrible crap that I have to endure on daily basis.  It is a complex issue and more complicated than I want to address here.  At the very least, being terminally unique has a large component of self-pity.

Years of recovery had mitigated my sense of terminal uniqueness to a large extent, but it was still a tangible part of my psyche.  Writing and focusing on gratitude this year has literally been a miracle in reducing my remaining sense of terminal uniqueness.

Today an attractive woman at the table next to us at Crossroads Mall looked to be in some pain.  After talking and reading with my friend for an hour, he left and I went over to talk with her.  I complimented her platinum blonde hair with a cute streak of pink running down her right temple.  She thanked me for the compliment and I asked if she was okay.  It turned out that she had issues with being in public places and shutting herself off from others.

We spent the next half hour discussing causes, conditions and treatments of dysfunctional survival mechanisms.  We had the same problem for opposite reasons.  As an old balding overweight guy in a wheelchair, I was not a visual magnet for social attention.   As a hot blonde with an amazing figure, she was an overly attractive magnet for social attention.  We both dealt with the issue by shutting out others.  In a way, I have it easier than she does.  If someone talks with me, I can safely assume they like me and/or are kind.  In her case, she can’t safely make that assumption because of all the Lotharios out there willing to prey on vulnerable women like emotional vampires.

I did not ask, but had the sense she was a single mom.  In a random act of kindness, I gave her a Groupon voucher for $20 to a coffee shop in the U-district.  Hopefully she will go there and have more conversations with others.

I am grateful for no longer being terminally unique and my recently enhanced senses of compassion & empathy.

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