Most of my
life I felt terminally unique, which
is a recovery catch-phrase for being sure that nobody else has deal with the
terrible crap that I have to endure on daily basis. It is a complex issue and more complicated
than I want to address here. At the very
least, being terminally unique has a large component of self-pity.
Years of
recovery had mitigated my sense of terminal uniqueness to a large extent, but
it was still a tangible part of my psyche. Writing and focusing on gratitude this year
has literally been a miracle in reducing my remaining sense of terminal
uniqueness.
Today an
attractive woman at the table next to us at Crossroads Mall looked to be in
some pain. After talking and reading with
my friend for an hour, he left and I went over to talk with her. I complimented her platinum blonde hair with
a cute streak of pink running down her right temple. She thanked me for the compliment and I asked
if she was okay. It turned out that she
had issues with being in public places and shutting herself off from others.
We spent the
next half hour discussing causes, conditions and treatments of dysfunctional
survival mechanisms. We had the same
problem for opposite reasons. As an old balding
overweight guy in a wheelchair, I was not a visual magnet for social attention. As a hot blonde with an amazing figure, she
was an overly attractive magnet for social attention. We both dealt with the issue by shutting out
others. In a way, I have it easier than
she does. If someone talks with me, I
can safely assume they like me and/or are kind.
In her case, she can’t safely make that assumption because of all the
Lotharios out there willing to prey on vulnerable women like emotional vampires.
I did not
ask, but had the sense she was a single mom.
In a random act of kindness, I gave her a Groupon voucher for $20 to a
coffee shop in the U-district. Hopefully
she will go there and have more conversations with others.
I am
grateful for no longer being terminally unique and my recently enhanced senses
of compassion & empathy.
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