As a
newcomer to the role of empathetic person/listener, I sometimes ponder the
difference between a shared sorrow being half a sorrow (Swedish proverb) and
the German concept of Schadenfreude which is enjoying others misery. As I progress in my recovery, others share
their pain with me in ways I never heard before.
Talking with
a beloved friend at lunch today, we had a nice time. As I was dropping her off at work after
lunch, she shared a few things that were causing her pain and/or fear. I felt honored that our relationship was such
that she trusted me with her intimate emotional pain, let her know that I loved
her and reassured her that she is doing the best she can which is actually
pretty good. I felt pride, love and
empathy for my friend after our visit was over.
This evening
I talked with a few other friends by phone that are not doing nearly so well
and are not in the solution phase of problem solving. They have mastered the problem identification
phase of problem solving. Practically
all they do is wallow in, think about and count their problems based on what
they tell me in our conversations. After
those conversations, I was grateful that it
was not me with their problems and unwillingness to implement obvious well
known solutions such as when your doctor tells you to check into the ER, you go
to the hospital and check into the ER.
Through some
sort of moral wisdom, I am learning to check my motives when talking with
friends about our troubles in a way that allows me to have compassion and
empathy, while maintaining a healthy level of loving detachment.
What does
this all have to do with Schadenfreude?
I don’t exactly know but am grateful I get to use whatever words I want
in the title of my gratitude blogs! J
I am
grateful that I can listen to others share their sorrow with me today without
having to take on their pain.
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