a new attitude

My mother Beverly has dementia likely caused by Alzheimer’s and also dementia from a stroke that she can’t remember having.  After 7 years with no contact and very little contact in the last 13 years, I have visited her once a week in the upscale assisted living facility which she moved into 5 months ago.

Last week, she was the most pleasant I had seen her in decades.  Today she was more of her usual mean and nasty self. I gave her a copy of Flourish with the intention of reading It out loud with her on the negative attitude days like today.  She lives in a one bedroom apartment with a living room and kitchen.  It is not that big a place, but I could not find the book Flourish.  It was short visit.  I will bring another copy of Flourish with me next week.

She was also diagnosed as having a strong streak of paranoia.  My sister Karen and I started a Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) process to protect our mother from herself and others that prey on the vulnerable elderly.  Beverly is doggedly convinced that Karen started the GAL process to steal her money from her.   Today I explained to Beverly several times that it was my idea to do the GAL process and that I had to talk Karen into it.  Beverly did not so much refuse to believe what I told her about the GAL process being my idea as she simply blanked out what I said from her mind with a powerful highly practiced sense of denial.  It was like she literally did not hear me.  Beverly continued to state that we doing this “to her” in an effort to take her money and could not begin to grasp the concept that we were doing it “for her” in an effort to protect her money because nobody wants Beverly running out of money and having to live with one of her children.

It used to be that every time I visited with Beverly, I would have to expound (vent?) on the experience at my Friday night 12-step meeting for family and friends of alcoholics.  Tonight I did not even mention my experience with Beverly today.  Instead I talked about the positive experiences in my week when interacting with friends, acquaintances and strangers.  I had a good week and was able share my gratitude for my new attitude with passion.  It was nice to get positive feedback from others after the meeting when they thanked me for sharing my positive perspective.

I am grateful for my new attitude.  I worked hard to acquire this attitude of gratitude, don’t take it for granted and explain it best to myself as being blessed with a god-given miracle.