Trudging Along

Page 164 of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous is the last page of directions on how to work the AA program of recovery.  That is followed another 400 pages of personal stories and appendices beginning with Dr Bob’s Nightmare—which is the story of how AA co-founder Dr Bob Smith of Akron Ohio got sober.

Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.

Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.

May God bless you and keep you - until then.

I struggle with depression, obesity and other health care issues in my journey on the road of happy destinies.  Nonetheless, I continue to trudge along.

I am grateful to be where I am at today.   My basic needs of food, shelter, clean water and good relationships are all met.   My biggest problem is my own best thinking.   The 12-step solution for that is a better relationship with a power greater than myself that many choose to call god.  I know that my solutions to my problems tend to result in abject misery.  I am blessed to know and believe in better alternatives.

The Nine Steps to Forgiveness

This morning’s meeting topic was  forgiveness.  The following is from an article on forgiveness.

1. Know exactly how you feel about what happened and be able to articulate what about the situation is not OK. Then, tell a couple of trusted people about your experience.

2. Make a commitment to yourself to feel better. Forgiveness is for you and no one else.

3. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciling with the person who upset you or condoning the action. In forgiveness you seek the peace and understanding that come from blaming people less after they offend you and taking those offenses less personally.

4. Get the right perspective on what is happening. Recognize that your primary distress is coming from the hurt feelings, thoughts, and physical upset you are suffering now, not from what offended you or hurt you two minutes—or 10 years—ago.

5. At the moment you feel upset, practice stress management to soothe your body’s fight or flight response.

6. Give up expecting things from your life or from other people that they do not choose to give you. Remind yourself that you can hope for health, love, friendship, and prosperity, and work hard to get them. However, these are “unenforceable rules:” You will suffer when you demand that these things occur, since you do not have the power to make them happen.

7. Put your energy into looking for another way to get your positive goals met than through the experience that has hurt you.

8. Remember that a life well lived is your best revenge. Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, and thereby giving power over you to the person who caused you pain, learn to look for the love, beauty, and kindness around you. Put more energy into appreciating what you have rather than attending to what you do not have.

9. Amend the way you look at your past so you remind yourself of your heroic choice to forgive.

My life is better when I forgive myself and others for the all too many poor choices and mistakes that have been made along the way.  Forgiveness works a lot better than continuing to live in resentment and self-pity for what others have done to me—especially while frequently ignoring what I have done to them.

I am grateful for what forgiveness I have for the harms that I have done and endured with others. There is (as always) room for more for more progress.   My mental health and emotional well-being is a lot better than how it used to be as a result of my forgiveness.

Right Action

I used to be extremely confused as to what I needed to do to live a better life.  My own best thinking put into action resulted in a painful confusing life for me that was not working  Now I know that I need to take/do right action to make my life better.   I still have a huge need to do a better job on the action front, but at least life is no longer nearly so painful or confusing.

I am grateful for a life that is less confusing than how it used to be.  My higher power, friends and others are vital in my being successful today and everyday from here on out.

Being Of Service

Got a call from a new guy that I meet last week at a meeting.  He had relapsed on meth and alcohol and wanted a ride to the ER due to concerns about possibly overdosing/having heart problems.  My roommate and I went to get him 20 minutes away, gave him a ride to the local ER, ran our errands for the next several hours and then gave him a ride home.  It seems that his heart was okay after they give him a pill to lower his blood pressure.  We will meet again on Saturday to go to workshop on sponsorship.

I am grateful to have been of service to another addict in need of help.   It got my roommate and I out of ourselves and into service to another still suffering addict.  After never having done this together in the last 3+ years, this is the second time we have done this in a month.

A Sea Of Green

We are halfway to summer after the end of a wet winter.   It has been a warm spring with several days of record high temperatures.   The vegetation is as green as it gets with grass, flowers, bushes, shrubs and trees all racing towards the sun to grow as much and as fast as possible.

I am grateful to live in a place with a lush abundance of flora flowering in spring.  It is beautiful and provides a sense of continuity with nature.

Facing My Fears

For a bunch of reasons that are ultimately self-destructive, I am a very private person that does not easily let people into my life or even my home.  I am unreasonably afraid of rejection and humiliation.

Sponsorship is a key part of 12-step recovery.  I have not sponsored nearly as many others in recovery as would have been good for me.   My life is poorer as a direct result of my not working with others nearly as much as I could have.

I am going to a sponsorship workshop this weekend.  It is another step in my efforts to do a better job in being of service to others and getting out of myself.

I am grateful for 12-step programs in showing, teaching and having me practice better ways to live my life that what I can come up with on my own best thinking.

Fort McMurray Fire

There is a giant fire burning in Fort McMurray, Alberta, Canada.   That is 1000 miles NE of Seattle.  They have not had measurable rain for two months.  Fort McMurray is near the center of the Canadian tar sands petroleum mining of the Athabasca oil sands.   The Athabasca oil field is the third largest reserve on earth after Saudi Arabia and Venezuela.

According to the Toronto Star, this will be the largest natural disaster in Canadian history.  That might be true by cost, but it is unlikely to match the death toll of Spanish flu or Halifax explosion.  No matter what, it is a big fast burning fire projected to double in size in a day or two.  Hopefully the 40% chance of rain this weekend will pan out to retard the fire.

I believe man-made climate change is happening.  Maybe this will be the event to event to turn the corner on reducing greenhouse gas emissions.   Sooner is better than later.  This fire will certainly slow down tar sands mining for years to come.

I am grateful to be living in a place not so horribly impacted by drought and/or other calamitous weather changes.   We had more than average precipitation this year.   That is a wonderful thing compared with the horrible consequences of multi-year droughts.  Future wars will be fought over water.

Still Muddling Along

There are many choices in my life that I could have done differently with an eminently reasonable expectation of better results.   For whatever reasons due to nature or nurture, I was gifted with a huge streak of self-destructive behavior that continues to manifest itself in my life.

That crap sucks and it would be great if it were different.  However, I am blessed to still be alive with reasonable cognitive ability.  I am still working on making a better life for myself and those around me.   That is a lot better than any of the alternatives.

This topic came to mind (again) with details of the death of the musician formerly known as Prince.   He was my age, hugely successful and seems to have died from opiate addiction at the age of 57.  

I am grateful to be alive and of sound mind so that I can continue to work on making a better life for myself and others. 

Wright Brothers

My friend Charlie went to the National Air and Space museum at the Smithsonian last weekend.  When asked what was most impressive, he said the Wright brothers airplane with the quality of workmanship on building the frame and stitching on the wing fabric.  I did not realize that it was done with such a high quality.  I incorrectly assumed it was a couple guys with a bicycle shop that slapped some fabric on a wooden frame.  my favorite Wright brothers’  statistic was that their propeller was a remarkable 66% efficiency.  Today’s best wood propellers top out at 85%.

I am grateful for all the modern miracles resulting from flying.  Jet planes, float planes, helicopters, and rockets make the world a much smaller place.   Orville and Wilbur made the world a much better place.

Feeling Better

Had a mildly upset stomach for the last five days combined with an overwhelming lethargy that made for a quiet time at home.  Feeling better today, I made it to a meeting, lunch, and some time in a record-tying 87° gorgeous spring day.  It was a “cool” 87° since that was 10° warmer than yesterday and even more so than tomorrow’s forecasted 74°.

I am grateful for feeling better and long warm sunny days.