Willingness

My experience after 14 years of recovery and attending thousands of 12-step meetings tells me that willingness is the most important factor in changing our lives.

Willingness includes going to meetings, reading the literature, getting a sponsor, working the steps, building a relationship with a higher power and helping others.  Technically, willingness is an adjective.  In my recovery, willingness is a verb requiring me to take action.

All too often, I have watched alcoholics and addicts claim a willingness to do the work and then balk with a myriad of excuses and rationalizations why they can’t do it now.  They have mistaken desire for willingness.  Unless they find a way to change desire into willingness by the action of doing the work required for a successful recovery, at best they achieve a dry-drunk status of being an angry not-using alcoholic or addict with white-knuckle sobriety.

I have two women staying at my apartment that are in early recovery.  One goes to a meeting every day, has a sponsor, reads the literature and is working the steps.  The other does not do that.  Guess which one ran a steak knife through my brand-new frying pan after I used it one time?

I found that cut in the best Teflon frying pan I ever owned than would be expected for damaging a $20 item.  The problem is more than the (deliberate?) damage to my new toy.  What bothers me most is the tragedy of a close-up watching yet another smart talented alcoholic self-destruct in slow motion.  From AA’s 12x12 “As psychiatrists have often observed, defiance is the outstanding characteristic of many an alcoholic.”  The situation is tragic and sad.

The good news is that I get to watch and learn from the two approaches to recovery.   Today, I am more willing than ever to go to a meeting, work with others and do whatever it takes to stay sober.

I am grateful for my willingness to do the work required to trudge the road of happy destiny.