Growing up in a dysfunctional family home, the last thing in the world I wanted to know was what others were thinking and how their mind works. I had thought about being a psychologist thinking it would be a terrible profession having to absorb negativity all day long from the thoughts and words from others.
In the last few years, I have learned how to help myself and others with wisdom far beyond the power of positive thinking. Examples abound. Praising a child for being smart can be counterproductive. Smart girls do great at math—until it gets so complex that they have to study. Then they get disappointed and quit when they are no longer smart enough to grasp concepts with no effort. Praising kids for working hard to solve a problem reinforces the idea that it takes diligent effort/work to accomplish difficult tasks.
It used to be that the only tool I had to take away someone's pain was to poke them somewhere else as if they could not simultaneously feel pain in two places. While far from great at helping others with their pain, I am fantastically better at it than I was with the terrible skills I was taught as a child.
I am grateful that I have learned new skills in being able listen to, talk with and support others.
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