Phyllis's 92 birthday party

Phyllis and her (now deceased) husband Jim have hosted 12-step birthday parties once a month in the Seattle area since 1984 when it was on a houseboat in Lake Union. Tonight she had a birthday party at the assisted living facility she moved to in 2010.

Her daughter, one son and two granddaughters were there, along with at least 20 people that have spent considerable time with Phyllis in the last 30 years. It was amazing to see a person that old with so many active friends. There were 70+ people at her birthday party, a good many of them were less than half her age. We all had great respect for her, all that she has done to help others and to carry the message of recovery. She has helped many people in humble ways. Turns out that she helped the women-only treatment facility Residence XII ("Res 12") get started 30 years ago. More than a few of us did not know that. Res 12 has provided alcohol & drug abuse rehab to thousands of women on the Eastside in a way that co-ed facilities just can't match.

Ten people spoke of there experiences with Phyllis over the years. The sweetest one was her 25ish year old granddaughter talking about the impact her grandmother had in her life. Half the people in the room were crying in a good way as she shared her gratitude for having such a kind and loving grandmother.

It was great to see how much love there was in the room for Phyllis. While it was sad to think there is a good chance I will never talk with my mother again, it was nice to have other great role models that displayed love and kindness with grace to all.

I am grateful for the wonderful role models in my life. They teach me how to be humble, love and help others.

dinner with Dan at Mona's Bistro

I usually take Dan out to lunch once a month. Tonight we went out for an early dinner at Mona's Bistro. The dinner was delicious. I told the waitress to surprise me. I got lamb sliders for an appetizer, arugula salad, braised short ribs with garlic mashed potatoes and a lemon custard dessert. The short ribs were more like large tender chunks of pot roast. Not something I would usually order. It was yummy comfort food.

Dan was not doing so well. He got dentures six-ish months ago and they were hurting him tonight. Being hungry, not being able to eat and being in pain exacerbated his mental health issues that lead to negative thinking. That gets a vicious downward cycle started. If my teeth hurt when I chew, I would not order steak. Dan could not eat much of his ribeye and took most of it home with him. He was took several mild valium-like muscle relaxants today. I was less than thrilled when he explained about the pills after he ordered a beer.

He was better off for having got out of his apartment when I took him home. That was as much help as I could do for today.

I am grateful for the progress I have made in being able to be a better friend to others and to not be nearly as self-destructive towards my relationships and myself as I used to be. I got to accept Dan as he was and respond with a focus on the positive.

early morning Snohomish road-trip with the team

Part of volunteering for a 12-step program at the local prison is to do a training update once a year. Today was the day for retraining. We met at the club on NE 8th at 7:15 and drove to Snohomish. It was a cold wet drive with snowflakes falling like tracers in the rain. A bit of muffin, some conversation with other volunteers we only see at the training and then it was time for about an hour of federally mandated training to not rape or sexually abuse the prisoners per the Prison Rape Elimination Act (PREA) guidelines.

While it is not likely to be an issue for those that I volunteer with, it does protect the prisoners from abusive guards. On the face of it, the training seems a bit excessive. In reality, it does force the volunteers to check in once a year in a show of interest and understanding of their responsibilities.

Prisons in America have a lot of secondary racial discrimination affects. 40% of our prison population is black. There was not a single ethnic minority at the volunteer retraining. Of the 30 older white volunteers, there were seven women. It is good to have many volunteers. It is tragic how the ethnic minority populations have essentially abandoned their people in a classic example of out of sight, out of mind.

I am grateful for our little team of volunteers, Margie, Leslee and Lisa, that carpool with me to the prison meetings on the second Thursday of each month and retraining. Our relationship, service work and time together is very important to me.

reading good books in a series sequentially

I love to read, especially hard/milatary science fiction. A favorite method of reading selection is to find an author I like and read all of the books in a series. It leads to a bit of an author overdose, but also makes for easy remembering of what happened in the preceding books in a series. Currently, I am on my 4th book in the Lt. Leary series by David Drake that I started reading last week.

Drake is in no danger of winning a Nobel prize for literature. That is okay. I read for escapist pleasure, not to think about deep philosophical perspectives that strike me as high-falutin nonsense.

The Daniel Silva books with the character Gabriel Allon are a nice example of the spy-vs-spy books in a series. Unfortunately, I have not read them sequentially. It is nice to have a favorite author waiting in reserve for when I finish the Lt. Leary series.

I am grateful for my Kindle, Baen e-books, story development over books in a series and authors I enjoy.

cool new tech toys I hope to have someday soon

The Apple iPad 3 is already on sale—in Sydney, AU. It will be available here in the US on Friday morning. I am not an Apple fanbois due to my inherent resistance to being locked into a proprietary platform. I do have great admiration for the perfectionism of Steve Jobs in his pursuit of design excellence. He was one of the greatest entrepreneur's of the last 50 years. The Apple II, the Mac,iPod, iPhone, and iPad were all products he brought to market that were both revolutionary and light-years ahead of the competition. He made our world a better place for all of us.

I have non-techie friends that want the whole iWorld of iPhone, iPad and MacBook. It is one of the greatest product placement and marketing schemes of all time. Buy into the Apple ecosystem and everything is a (relatively) seamless transition from one device to another. If my time was more valuable, that would be important to me.

As it is, I have lots of time with less money. There is a good deal of hobbying enjoyment to be had in playing with the guts of my PCs.

I have been too budget-minded to pay the 3-figure monthly fees for a Smartphone call/data plan. The 4G plans are dropping rates like a rock. Sometime soon, I will get an Android tablet. My "best using" excuse is to serve as a map/GPS device while driving (in asynchronous mode). Since I have an excellent sense of direction and rarely get lost, this is really all about getting a new toy.

I could use a tablet as an e-reader, but doubt that it would be any improvement on my Kindle. I guess I am going to have to buy a tablet, find my favorite uses for it and then retroactively justify the purchase to myself—that or just say I want a new toy!

I am grateful for the low-cost fantastic technology that is a fundamental part of our modern world. These devices are such advanced science they seem to be far closer to a magic that all of us can use and afford.

working with my doctor's office on an Rx problem

I take 11 pills of five different prescription medicines every day. I refill the scripts at the beginning of each month. This month there was a problem with a prescription having expired leaving me with a partial refill. Normally, the pharmacy contacts my doctor's office and they fax back a refill prescription in a day or two due to my doctor only working 3 days/week.

This month that process broke down. The pharmacy contacted my doctor and claimed to have not gotten a response. They contacted my doctor's office again and were turned down for a refill. One call to my doctor's office got the problem straightened out within 15 minutes. Turned out the pharmacy had somehow lost the original refill. After the problem was resolved, Amy from my doctor's office called me back to explain the situation and let me know it was resolved. If only all problems in life could be fixed that easily.

My pharmacy is easy to work with. They gave me a short supply of meds to hold me over while the problem was resolved.

By contrast, I have dealing with Asus to get an upscale PC motherboard replaced for over a month now. Everytime I call, they promise to get back to me with a response. That rarely happens and it never fixes the problem. Today I got a promise for a call and an email tomorrow from a second level tech. Chances are slim I will be talking up Asus as a viable alternative to Samsung or MSI.

I am grateful for great customer service where I need it most—at my pharmacy. Even the bad customer service is a minor inconvenience since I simply bought an MSI mobo while waiting for Asus to get it together. Soon I will be stuck with two really fast PCs. That is pretty darned close to being a good problem!

gaining perspective from others

Took a new friend, Della, out to lunch today at the 5 Guys burger franchise in Canyon Park. Acquaintances have claimed their burgers to be the best in the land. I thought I would see for myself. The burgers were good. Prices were a bit stiff for fast food. $25 for 2 bacon cheeseburgers with fries and a pop. Their schtick is that the burgers are meat and a bun with all condiments and upgrades ordered individually. It was nice, but I can get an incredible burger from the John Howie steakhouse less than a mile away during happy hour for the same price. Opinions vary…

Della was raised in a family of devout Jehovah's Witness. I had to come home to look that up on Wikipedia. Being a JW means no Christmas, birthday parties or other celebrations. She is 34 years old and never had a birthday party. I took her out for a burger and a mini-shopping spree for toiletries, shampoo and underwear at Wal-Mart in Lynnwood. That was ranked as one of her better birthday celebrations—ever.

My wheelchair vendor/mechanic moved from a mile down the street to Lynnwood. I am grateful to have workmen's compensation disability insurance that covers the cost of my wheelchair parts. Two fancy bicycle-like tires cost at least $100 since they are made out of a gum rubber that does not like black skid marks on the floor like a bicycle tire would.

It was a blustery spring day in Seattle today. The snow level was at about 500 feet in elevation, so there was snow on the local hills in Bellevue. Got to drive through a snow-squall for ten minutes are our way through the Seattle. It felt good to know that the snow would not stick around and mess up the roads & traffic.

Talked with another lady that is still out there using. She was trying to get money working as a street-walker to buy drugs when she called me. I offered to help her if she wanted to stay clean. She choose to stay outside in the freezing rain. She claims to be trying to get sober to have custody of her kids. Her definition of sober includes using methadone which she gets from a clinic 6 days a week. I don't know anybody on the methadone maintenance program that is really doing well. That phone conversation made me very grateful to be lying in my giant bed with my comforter, cats, Kindle and TV remote.

Talking with others that in are the midst of difficult challenges helps me to be more grateful for what I have. I am grateful for what I have today.

longer evening daylight thanks to DST

My perception of Daylight Savings Time is that it is a lame trick by our government to make us feel like they are taking productive action to reduce our dependence on foreign oil or some other complete non sequiturial as a slight of hand to reduce focus on having to deal with real solutions for real issues. Having to change eight clocks twice a year is an annoying task. At least my PCs change their time by themselves.

I am grateful for the extra hour of evening light as a result of switching to DST.

glad it's not me

A married woman with young children came to our meeting tonight for time second time in the last month. At a glance, it was easy to see that she was in heinous pain from drinking again. She shared her tale of bad choices leading to horrific results of being blocked from her own home by CPS after trying to drive her kids home from school after drinking.

She was bawling and sobbing and crying like only the drowning can. She was still going a few minutes after the meeting was scheduled to end. Our secretary gracefully interrupted her rant and ended the meeting. All the rest of us had been away from that sort of pain for months, years or decades. It was a good reminder of how bad it is. We were all glad it was not us.

I am grateful that it was not me bawling and sobbing tonight at the meeting about having lost my spouse, home and kids due to uncontrollable drinking.

being sung "Happy Birthday" in prison

On our monthly meeting at the Washington State Reformatory, Leslee mentioned to an inmate that it was my birthday earlier last week. The people at the meeting then sang me happy birthday. We had never done that before. It was nice to be serenaded by my friends. It was especially nice knowing that I did not have to spend my birthday in prison—for years on end.

I am grateful for my freedom and for my friends that do random acts of kindness towards me. Leslee gave me cookies and a card. Lisa gave me "cat butt" refrigerator magnets that are funny, slightly disturbing and cute. Charlie and Margie gave me a card and a box of chocolates. Mark gave me a card with a packet of ghoulish head stickers—a family tradition for him and his 24-year old daughter—that I was honored to be included in on.

having a friend over for lunch

My childhood was spent with my dysfunctional family that left more than a few emotional scars. One of those scars shows up in that I rarely have people over to my apartment and am even less likely to have them over for a meal.

Today my friend Angie came to visit and hang out for a bit. We were both hungry and so I made lunch. The lunch was a delicious meal of rib-eye steaks, shrimp, asparagus and Texas toast. It went well.

I am grateful for the progress I have made in dealing with the unresolved emotional debris leftover from my childhood. My emotional equilibrium is a lot more stable than how it used to be.

longer days and shorter nights

It was a weird sunny spring day in Seattle today. The next town over, Issaquah, got a thin blanket of snow. Best of all, we had 11 hours and 27 minutes of daylight. Another two weeks and we will have 12+ hours of daylight.

I am grateful for the longer days and the beginning of serious spring plant growth.

happy birthday to me

Turned 53 today. It was a good birthday spending time with friends, driving around on a nice day, saw a few snowflakes and finally got my ultimate home theater PC working this afternoon. After that, it was dinner with Della at the Cellars restaurant in Seattle's Belltown neighborhood. My sister sent me a birthday email and a generous gift certificate to Amazon.com.

I am grateful to be pleasantly surprised and pleased to find myself getting older and wiser.

Bob Saget

Went to see Bob Saget do his comedy routine at the Snoqualmie Casino tonight. He was wonderfully funny, entertaining and more than slightly vulgar.

I am grateful for live entertainment with gifted performers that really love their work.

learning more about psychology and how my mind works

Growing up in a dysfunctional family home, the last thing in the world I wanted to know was what others were thinking and how their mind works. I had thought about being a psychologist thinking it would be a terrible profession having to absorb negativity all day long from the thoughts and words from others.

In the last few years, I have learned how to help myself and others with wisdom far beyond the power of positive thinking. Examples abound. Praising a child for being smart can be counterproductive. Smart girls do great at math—until it gets so complex that they have to study. Then they get disappointed and quit when they are no longer smart enough to grasp concepts with no effort. Praising kids for working hard to solve a problem reinforces the idea that it takes diligent effort/work to accomplish difficult tasks.

It used to be that the only tool I had to take away someone's pain was to poke them somewhere else as if they could not simultaneously feel pain in two places. While far from great at helping others with their pain, I am fantastically better at it than I was with the terrible skills I was taught as a child.

I am grateful that I have learned new skills in being able listen to, talk with and support others.