Toys

While never without any toys in my life, I never had a large collection of toys to play with from childhood on.   Or for that matter, much else by way of materialism.  A big part of that was due to fear of loss/abandonment.  If I did not have something, it could not be taken away from me and so there would be no pain of loss.  There was a lot of fear controlling my life.

Lately I have gone on a toy/hobby tool buying spree.  The total spending is about the price of a used domestic car.  There is a huge element of hope in investing in my entertainment, mental and physical health.  It is certainly new behavior.

I am not sure what to make of all this. Certainly self-compassion for me in my younger days for spending my money on dope instead of toys and durable goods is an obvious place to start.  I am excited about these new projects where I will learn to use the tools and make beautiful things while changing my perception of the world for the better.

I am grateful for the willingness to change my ways to create more happiness in my life.  That is a miracle of recovery.  I had always looked forward to learning what my hobbies would be in recovery.  Being happy, jewelry making, photography and socializing are great places to start.